Buried Deep
by csi101
Summary: Yet another immediately post Grave Danger fic.
1. Chapter 1

**I know there are a lots of Grave Danger fanfics out there...but here's another one. Of course, with my love of all things Nick-angst, its my favourite episode and I think Quentin Tarentino had the perfect opportunity for gratuitous hospital scenes!! So, here is (possibly one of many!) attempts at Grave Danger fan fic. Please review. Please. **

**As always - I dont own any of the concepts or characters of CSI etc etc etc.**

CHAPTER 1

Nick lay curled up on the ground. He heard the 'whoomp' as Warrick dropped heavily down on his knees next to him and felt the vigorous rubbing of Warricks hand against his shoulder and heard the soft words of comfort uttered over and over. He heard Grissoms voice as he snapped commands for the paramedics and became aware of the rest of the team huddling around him all trying to connect to their friend after 24 hours of being buried alive. He was aware of all of it, but at that particular time, he really didn't care about any of it - only that they were there and he was out of that hell.

Unfamiliar voices and disembodied hands took over from his friends. He felt his body being rolled onto his back and the hands poking and prodding over all his body. One eyelid was pulled up and a bright light shone into his eye, then repeated on his other eye. Nick dragged his head away from the light - not having enough energy to form words, he simply moaned in protest. He heard more words of comfort and felt gentle hands stroking the top of his head. Then a sharp needle being pushed into a vein in his arm and secured down. He tried not to flinch but his nerves were too frayed to prevent it. Cold fluid was injected.

The hands were lifting him now and strapping him onto a stretcher. More faces - all worried but none familiar - all in uniforms. Then finally, someone he could see who he recognised. Grissom leant over him momentarily. Enough time to smile at him - another tight, worried smile - and to drape a jacket over his chest. Another familiar face. Grissom stepped back as Catherine's face came into view, smiling down at him and tucking the jacket in tightly around his shoulders and stroking his hair. He closed his eyes and clasped his hands together under the jacket to stop them shaking. Finally, Nick could enjoy warmth.

He had spent several hours being unbearably hot while the light remained on. Sweat had drenched him to the skin as his body had desperately tried to cool itself down. When Nick had shot out the light, the resulting cold of being several feet below ground - coupled with his wet clothes - had driven him to near hypothermia.

He felt the stretcher being lifted but didn't open his eyes. The stretcher positioned in the back of the ambulance, he became aware of both the paramedic taking a seat near his head followed by both Warrick and Catherine climbing in too. He reached out, desperate for human contact after 24 hours of isolation and terror. He felt Warricks warm hand grab his and hold on tight then the smaller and warmer hand of Catherine squeezing his fingers briefly.

Then he was aware of the ambulance moving and heard the wail of the sirens. His hearing was so much more acute than normal. The explosion had left his ears ringing, but he was still feeling hypersensitive to any sounds.

After 24 hours of stillness, the motion of the ambulance was almost intolerable to his stomach and he tried to roll unsuccessfully onto his side, fighting a losing battle against the nausea. He felt the hands of both the paramedic and Warrick hold his shoulders down and felt the burn of acid at the back of his throat. Finally it registered with Warrick what was about to happen and Nick heard him say urgently "He's gonna be sick." The paramedic quickly raised the head of the stretcher a little and held a vomit bag to Nicks mouth as he coughed and retched, not bringing anything up. His nose ran, his stomach was still churning, tears were everpresent and he was, in short, the epitome of misery.

He heard Catherine's soft, mothering tones and felt the cold rush of fluid being given through the intravenous needle in his arm. "That'll help with the nausea, Nick. Just rest now and we'll be at the hospital before you know it." the paramedic said as he wrapped a blood pressure cuff around Nicks bicep and pressed a button on the monitor which did Nicks BP automatically.

The paramedic removed the jacket and started cutting away Nicks t-shirt. Once it was removed, he stuck cardiac monitor dots to Nicks chest and hooked him up to a portable monitor. Nicks body started shivering again almost immediately and the paramedic replaced the jacket as Warricks hand once again started its tapping against Nicks chest.

Nicks breathing increased. His throat felt odd and he became aware of the uvula at the back of his throat. He could feel it and it was reigniting his nausea. It felt odd. Swollen and horrible. His lips were tingling. His skin felt like it was on fire and it was becomming more painful to keep his eyes open as the area around them had suffered so many bites which were starting to swell. The skin around his eyes was becomming so tight.

He retched again at the feeling of his swollen uvula and struggled to catch his breath once the retching settled. He could hear himself wheezing and tried to bring a hand up to rub at his throat but it was still restrained by his side. He heard the paramedic fossicking in the drawers of the ambulance and felt more cold fluid being injected into his arm. "Its alright, Nick." the paramedic said "That's going to help reduce the inflammation. It'll help you breath a little easier."

Nick tried to nod and squeezed his eyes shut tighter, his eyes welling again.

He tried to tell them his breathing was getting worse instead of better. He was finding it hard to get a breath in. He heard the paramedic calling out his name and was dully aware of a lot of sudden movement by his side. He felt his arm jerk against the restraint and felt a leg kick out. He dimly knew that he should be scared but before it could register, he was surrounded by darkness.

Catherine had her hand still resting on Nicks leg when she felt it kick out. She glanced at his leg at the same moment as she heard Warrick call out Nicks name - the urgency in his voice bringing Catherine's attention back to the front. Nicks arms were both starting to jerk now and his head slammed back onto the pillow. They heard the horrible sound of Nicks breathing, sounding moist and irregular as it caught in his throat, his body jerking and thrashing against the restraints. The paramedic was calling instructions to his partner in the cabin of the ambulance - his partner relaying what was happening to the hospital. The seizure started to subside as the paramedics hands were over Nick again, injecting more medications into the IV port before grabbing the laryngascope and gently guiding it down Nicks throat as he started trying to position an airway. Nicks throat was already so swollen - and continuing to swell - that it was difficult to get it down. The paramedic threw the airway to one side and grabbed a smaller one, finally succeeding in getting it down, securing it in place and hooking it up to the portable ventilator.

Grabbing his stethoscope, the paramedic listened to Nicks chest.

Catherine's became aware of her fingers and realised they were cramping up from clinging onto Nicks leg. She was sure it would leave bruises but was equally sure that Nick wouldn't care - he had enough to worry about.

**Please review - good or bad - I'm a big girl -I can take criticism. **


	2. Chapter 2

**Thanks for the great feedback guys - its really, really appreciated. Again, this is one of those stories where I never really know where its heading - so we'll just have to wait and see. **

CHAPTER 2

A voice from the front called out "5 minutes out." and the paramedic in the back of the ambulance applied cold compresses to Nicks swollen eyes. Warrick and Catherine glanced at each other, terrified at what had happened and how quickly it had happened. The mechanical hissing of the ventilator continued in the background as the paramedic continued to work over Nick, calling his name and rubbing knuckles along his chest. Nick raised one of his arms groggily and tried to swipe at the tube in his throat - panic setting in the more aware he became. The paramedic moved to sit at the top of the ambulance where he could keep Nick from pulling at the tube in his throat. He looked up at Warrick and said "Talk to him - we need to keep him as calm as we can."

Warrick quickly grabbed Nicks free hand and shuffled his legs to one side to let Catherine move up to Nicks head. She stroked his face and wiped away the stray tears of panic that had appeared.

Nick continued to fight against the tube and the forced inspirations but the acute panic subsided as he became aware that his friends were still with him and exhaustion kicked back in. His hand came back up to try and remove the tube but was stopped by Catherine. The paramedic looked down at Nick and locked eyes with him. "Nick, I need you to keep the tube in, OK? Your throat is too swollen at the moment for you to maintain your own airway, so we need to keep the tube in until the inflammation goes down." Nicks couldn't concentrate properly and his eyes were starting to swim again - they were still swollen and sore. But just as he found himself fading, the ambulance slowed and stopped and the back doors burst open - causing Nick to visibly flinch, a wave of people and hands pulled the stretcher out and wheeled it quickly through doors and into the bustling emergency department. Voices, lots of voices - Nick caught snippets of what they were saying "...seizure enroute...Adrenaline...fire ants...all over" - others snapping out instructions "chest film....ABG's...strip him off". Lights, bright lights. Eyes squeezed shut. It was all too overpowering and Nick felt the everpresent panic rising again. He felt a hand slip into his and he squeezed it hard. Another hand came to sandwich his and he opened his eyes enough to see Catherine smiling down at him, walking beside the trolley and talking to him softly, holding his hand between hers tightly.

Suddenly they pushed through large plastic doors and they were in the trauma resuscitation cubicle. He felt himself being lifted roughly just enough to be tranfered from the trolley to an exam table. The hands around his were pulled away and he fought to get through the sea of hands which were holding him down to get Catherine back. He tried to scream out but the tube down his throat prevented it. He started sobbing with a mixture of fear, anxiety and exhaustion, but, while his sobbing breaths over-rode the forced inspirations from the ventilator, it set off a series of shrill alarms.  
Panicked and irrational, Nick started fighting back. He punched out at the faceless hands and arms when they stopped him from pulling at the airway, and kicked out when more hands tried to hold him still. He was writhing on the table, tears pouring down his face. Everything was swimming again. Almost as soon as he was aware of it he plummeted down into darkness.

Once the sedation kicked in, the medical team started assessing Nick. He still had significant facial swelling despite two doses of adrenalin plus the phenergan and hydrocortisone given in the field. His airways on auscultation continued to sound wet due to the swelling of his airways. A portable x-ray machine was wheeled in and films were taken of his chest. He was hooked back up to a cardiac monitor and blood pressure monitor and a temperature probe was settled in his ear. The rest of his clothes were cut off and both a new central line IV was inserted into his subclavian vein and a urinary catheter was inserted into his bladder. His abdomen was ultrasounded to rule out any bleeding related to his rescue and his bites were assessed and covered in lotion - the worst ruptured sites were cleaned and dressed. Finally, he was covered over with a sheet and a blanket - a bair hugger was tucked into the bedding to increase Nicks core body temperature which had dropped down to 93 degrees.

Once he was settled, the leading doctor left to speak with Nicks family and friends.

Warrick and Catherine had been forced to wait outside the trauma room where they had spent the time pacing and fielding anxious phone calls. Every now and then, they would look through the clear plastic doors at the team working over their friend. They had not been there long when two police officers arrived escorting Nicks parents. Nicks mother was distraught with the need to see her youngest son and her anxiety and anger were palpable when she was told she would have to wait. His father looked out of his depth. He stood back and waited for the medical team to brief them, clinging onto his wifes hand as she demanded to see their child more than just through the doors.

Finally the doctor emerged and suggested they all go to the counselling room where he could fill them in on Nicks condition. He talked to them about Nicks injuries, about their treatment so far and what they planned for the future. He discussed how they would need to keep him sedated and intubated for the remainder of the night and planned to continue this for at least another 24 hours until the pain from the bites and the swelling was manageable. He also discussed the importance of bringing in psychologists to deal with the emotional trauma which Nick had experienced over the previous 24+ hours as soon as he was awake. Counsellors would also be available to speak with the Stokes family.

At last, the moment came when Nicks Mom and Dad could go in and see their son, albeit briefly as the medical staff were about to transfer him to the intensive care unit.

Warrick and Catherine continued to wait while the Stokes' went through the plastic doors. Grissom and the rest of the team were due to arrive as soon as they could leave the scene.

Jillian Stokes reached her sons side and reached out to cradle his face with her hands. She brought her head down to lay gentle kisses to his forehead, tears of shock and relief tumbling down her cheeks as she whispered words of motherly comfort to Nick, who remained blissfully unaware of what was happening. Roger Stokes stood to one side, gripping his sons unresponsive hand in both of his and squeezing. Jillian looked up at her husband, a gentle hand stroking Nicks swollen and bite riddled face. Wordlessly they maintained eye contact, drawing strength from each other and from the fact they had their boy back.

**I hope you enjoyed this chapter. Please let me know what you think. It really is very much appreciated. **


	3. Chapter 3

**This was only supposed to be a really short Grave Danger-esque piece but looks like it might be going for a few chapters yet. I've been thinking of where it'll head and have a few ideas so we'll wait and see where it ends up.**

CHAPTER 3

Almost three hours after Catherine and Warrick arrived at the hospital, the doors of the waiting room to ICU opened and Grissom, Sara and Jim Brass arrived. Sara and Brass looked tired, but Grissom looked exhausted. He looked as if he had aged at least 10. He sat heavily in the seat next to Catherine and held his head in his hands for several long moments. Sara and Brass sat down next to Warrick and started grilling him with questions about Nick.

Grissom sat up, hands on his knees, and looked from Catherine to Warrick and back again. "How's Nicky doing?" he asked, his voice gravelly and hoarse from tiredness. Catherine smiled at him wanly and lay her hand over his. "He's OK, Gil. He went into anaphylaxis and has been intubated, but the doctors are saying he'll be fine physically."

Grissom was quiet for a moment longer, staring at his hands tucked under Catherines. Glancing back at her he asked quietly "What about psychologically? How was he mentally?" Catherine squeezed his hands tightly and her eyes welled with tears momentarily as she replied, "We didn't get to talk to him. It all happened so quickly. They're organising counselling for him. That will start as soon as he wakes up." Grissom exhaled deeply and rubbed a hand over his eyes again. "Gil, go home and get some sleep. I'll stay and see if I can see him. His parents are with him." Grissom nodded dimly - "Good." he commented.

The door to the waiting room opened and Judge Stokes' tall and previously imposing figure appeared. He looked almost as exhausted as Grissom, his shoulders slumped a little and his suit jacket and ties were gone, his top buttons unbuttoned. He smiled grimly and moved to sit in the only vacant seat avilable - next to Catherine. He cleared his throat awkwardly, choking with emotion as he thanked them all for finding Nick in time. Catherine smiled at him kindly and lay a hand against Judge Stokes' arm.

Despite his demeanour in the lab when his son was missing, Roger Stokes was reknown as a loving family man. He had a reputation as being tough but fair - with the people passing before him in court, and with his seven children - but he adored his wife of forty six years and his greatest joy in life was his family - his children and, now, his grandchildren. Nick had felt a certain suffocation living in Texas and carrying the Stokes name. His father had appreciated the need for him to leave, to find his own space in life and to grow into his own person. But, both Nick and Roger knew that, no matter the distance, Nick would always be his fathers little boy - and he was happy to wear that label - to have that close connection with his Cisco. The thought of how close they had come to losing Nick broke Roger Stokes' heart. Knowing his boy would be terrified and that there was nothing he could do to save him from the pain and trauma had been like a knife to the chest for the hardened State Supreme Court Judge.

As Catherine lay her hand against his arm, the hard walls disintegrated and he brought one of his hands up to cover hers, smiling a tired smile at her.

"Hows Nick?" she asked quietly. Judge Stokes nodded. "He's doing OK." he answered, "He's getting a good rest. The doctors are planning to reduce his sedation tomorrow morning and letting him wake up, so all we can do is wait at the moment."

Catherine nodded. "And how are you doing? And Mrs Stokes?" Judge Stokes interlaced his fingers and rested then on his knees, bending forward - too exhausted to sit up straight - "We're alright. Tired, but alright. We're just so relieved to have Nick back." His voice cracked as he struggled to regain his composure.

Catherine smiled kindly at him again and leant forward too, mirroring him and keeping theirconversation intimate - just between the two of them. "Why dont you and Mrs Stokes go back to your hotel and get some sleep?" Roger Stokes' was shaking his head before she had even finished her sentence. "No, no. We dont want to leave Nick alone."

Catherine was a good negotiator though - lots of recent practice as a mother of a strong willed teenage daughter. "Judge Stokes,"..."Please, call me Roger." "Roger, Nick will need the two of you when he wakes up. He'll need your support in a way he's never needed it before. Take the opportunity while he's sedated to get some sleep. I'll sit with Nick, I promise he wont be alone and I promise I'll call you if there's the slightest change. But you'll need all your strength and energy to get through the next few days and weeks. Please. He'll be fine. I'll take good care of him."

There was silence for several moments as Roger Stokes thought it through and battled the inner war waging in his mind - abandoning his son to give into the desperate need for sleep.  
"He'll be OK with me. I promise." Catherine wasn't going to back down.

Roger Stokes nodded his head so softly it was almost imperceptable. "You will call us? If there's any change?" "Of course." said Catherine.

They both got up and Judge Stokes gave Catherine a quick hug of thanks. Grissoms quiet voice asked the question the others so badly wanted answered - "Judge Stokes, can we see Nick?"

Roger Stokes stopped to smile at the group - a genuine and warm smile - "Of course. Its only family allowed to visit at the moment, but Jillian and I have already discussed this with his medical team and you're all on the family list. You saved his life." He started to head leave, pausing at the doorway to add "And, please....call me Roger."

Catherine entered the ICU with Roger Stokes while the others stayed in the waiting room. They thought it would be best of there wasn't an audience while Roger and Catherine convinced Jillian Stokes to leave her son for some much needed sleep. Judge Stokes went to his wifes side and knealt next to her chair, talking to her softly and gripping her hands as she shook her head and glanced back and forth from her husband to her son. Catherine stood back to give them some privacy and looked at Nick. He looked as if he was in a deep sleep, thankfully unaware of the tubes snaking into his lungs, into his stomach and into his bladder. There were intravenous lines delivering fluids, pain relief and sedation through his central line, and the ant bites, which were too numerous to count, had risen into ugly pustules. And there were cardiac monitors and a blood pressure cuff connecting him to monitors above the bed.

Catherine moved to the side of the bed and took hold of one of his hands, her other hand moved to stroke his hair - it had grown over the last few weeks. She smiled gently down at him and whispered "Hey, Nicky. You're safe now, sweetie." She continued to smile at him and stroke his hair until she realised Roger and Jillian Stokes were both standing at the bed too. Jillian lay a gentle hand on Nicks arm and glanced at Catherine as she asked "Do you promise to call if there's any change at all?". Catherine nodded slightly "I promise." she answered.

**Please, please, please review. I love hearing what you think. Please?**


	4. Chapter 4

**Thanks for the reviews. As I keep saying - it really is great to hear what you think of the story. **

CHAPTER 4

Roger and Jillian Stokes finally left for their hotel leaving Catherine to look after Nick. She had just taken the seat that Jillian had left, and moved it in closer to the bed so she could reach Nicks lax hand, when Grissom, Warrick and Sara arrived - Brass had headed back to the nursery. They had strict orders from the medical staff that they only had five minutes. Warrick and Sara moved in first. Warrick gripped his free hand tightly and muttered quiet words of encouragement to his friend. Sara squeezed his arm and bent down to whisper her message in his ear.

Grissom stood and held the foot bar at the end of the bed. He watched momentarily - focusing on the rise and fall of Nicks bare chest before his eyes moved to take in all the tubes and leads supporting his body's functions.

Warrick and Sara, content now they had seen their friend, bid farewell to Catherine and Grissom and headed home to get some much needed sleep. Grissom nodded at them both and stayed watching Nick a moment more before moving to take the seat next to Catherine.

He sat heavily and sighed deeply. Catherine smiled at him and brought a hand to rest back on this leg. "Gil, go home. Get some sleep."

Grissom raised an eyebrow at her in amusement. "I should say the same to you."

Catherine snorted. "I got a nap while we were waiting for you guys to arrive. Beside, I'm a Mom - I can survive for days without sleep."

Grissom smiled - exhausted. "Well, I might just head to the waiting room and get an hour or two. I don't really feel like going hime yet."

"Its been a hell of a couple of days." Said Catherine, shifting her gaze back to Nick.

Grissom arched his eyebrows again as he pushed himself up from the chair. "You can say that again. Call me if you need me - I'll be just outside."

Catherine smiled at him and waved him off, "Sleep well." she called after him quietly.

Turning her attention back to Nick, she reached out and squeezed his unresponsive hand and whispered, "Well, Nicky, its just you and me."

Grissom woke nearly two hours after he had passed out in one of the waiting room chairs. Although he couldn't honestly say he felt refreshed, he certainly felt significantly better than he had earlier. He wlked back into the ICU and smiled quietly. Catherine was fighting a losing battle to stay awake. Her head resting against the mattress near Nicks shoulder, she clung onto his hand as her eyes slipped shut, snapping open again as she felt herself slipping closer to sleep.

Grissom moved to stand next to her and offered her a hand up from the chair. She woke when she saw him and rubbed a hand across her eyes.

"I thought you didn't need sleep?" he asked her with unconvincing innocence. She snorted and allowed him to pull her to her feet.

"The one-sided conversation can be rather sedating." she said, "I just need a minute or two. I'll be back soon."

"Take your time." said Grissom

With Catherine gone, Grissom took the vacated chair and looked at his young colleague. He thought back on all the years he had worked with Nick, on how far he had come from being the young, green rookie straight from Dallas to the independent, confident leader he was today. Grissom was proud of how he had matured as a CSI and proud that his guidance had played a vital part in that development. He knew he had ridden Nick harder than Warrick or Sara, maybe he hadn't been as fair as he could have been, but he had only hoped that it would make Nick harden up a little. Nick had always been an emotional guy, had always empathised a little too much with the victims and their families - it could cloud his judgement at times and he had to learn to distance himself.

Grissom thought back to the farewell message that Nick had recorded for him.

_'I never meant to disappoint you.'_

A sharp pain hit him. After all this time Nick was still bothered by needing his boss' approval. Grissom thought they had moved past all of the insecurities which had plagued him earlier in his Las Vegas career. But you're final words on Earth are usually reserved for the most important of important things and it disturbed Grissom to think that Nick felt he had to address his fear of disappointing his mentor. That in the face of fear, despair and almost certain death, Nick had used his final words to Grissom to apologise for non-existant disappointments.

Grissom made a pact with himself to deal with these ongoing anxieties between Nick and himself once and for all. But for now, it was all about getting Nick back on his feet.

The following 24 hours passed by with little change in Nicks condition. He was kept heavily sedated until the early hours of the following morning when the sedation was weaned down and Nick was allowed to wake on his own. As the day progressed, so to did Nicks responses. It started with hand squeezes and spontaneous eye opening when the nurses suctioned his endotracheal tube. By midmorning he was becomming agitated with the tubes and, in moments of acute panic, would bring his hand up to try and rip them out, eyes open and frightened, scanning the room desperate for help. His parents were by is side, holding his hands - keeping them away from the tubes - and stroking his hair, speaking to him softly, reinforcing he was safe and encouraging him back to consciousness.

By the time Catherine arrived back in the afternoon, Nick was awake for longer periods and had just been extubated. A mask over his nose and mouth delivered humidified oxygen and the head of the bed lifted him into a 45 degree sitting position, making it easier for him to breathe. The intravenous pain relief and the after effects of the sedation continued to make him groggy, his head lolled against the pillow, but he recognized Catherine and gave a ghost of a smile as she kissed his cheek gently in greeting. He drifted off to sleep, his hand clutching his mothers. Catherine sat and talked with his parents. Every now and then Catherine and Jillian would get up to soothe Nick back to sleep as bad dreams and panic attacks interrupted his sleep. He settled quickly though as the drugs overpowered him.

After a couple of hours, Catherine bid the Stokes' farewell and headed into the lab. Despite their concern for Nick and their desire to spend time with him, the rest of the team were already back at work - now short staffed until Nick was back and cleared for duty.

And, God knows, Vegas never sleeps. There would be plenty of work to keep them busy

**Thanks so much for the reviews. Please keep them coming - even a line or two - just to keep up the motivation for me. Many thanks in advance: )**


	5. Chapter 5

**Thank you, thank you, thank you for the great reviews!!! I really love reading them all - essays and short sentences - ALL of them. Thank you!! **

CHAPTER 5

The following day, Catherine and Grissom both headed back to the hospital at the end of their grave shift. It was nearly ten in the morning and, despite being over tired themselves, they needed to go check up on their friend. Jillian Stokes looked refreshed after a good nights sleep at their hotel but the strain of seeing her son suffer was clearly taking a toll. She had checked out that morning and they were going to use Nicks townhouse as base for their remaining time in Vegas.

Roger Stokes looked haggard with exhaustion. Nick was not much better. By all accounts it had been a rough night. Nick had been unable to sleep more than half an hour here and there. He was troubled with recurrent nightmares and bursts of panic causing him to cry out - terribly hoarse from a combination of the screaming during his hostage ordeal and the endotracheal tube down his throat for the following 24 hours - and to fight to sit upright, tangling in the sheets and cardiac leads. His father had been up and down to him all night, hugging him and reassuring him. He had ended up lying on the edge of the bed with his son resting in the crook of his shoulder, safely bundled in his fathers embrace. It hadn't helped Nick sleep, but it did give him the security and comfort he desperately needed. The comfort they both needed.

Jillian was taking over for the day shift while her husband left the hospital to try and sleep.

Nick was cranky and frustrated, the stress of his ordeal coupled with a desperate need for quality sleep taking their toll. He had endured a bed bath which he found humiliating and he hid his embarrassment with more anger - directed at no-one in particular. The bites which covered the length and breadth of his body were itchy and several of the sites were now open wounds from unconscious scratching and the friction caused from Nicks body moving against the sheets. The general pain from his wounds were mostly covered by the narcotics pumping through his veins but the bite from the open wounds stung him every time he moved. The pain relievers though were also making him feel dizzy and he found he couldn't think straight. He was, in short, miserable.

Catherine and Grissom tried to generate conversation with the Stokes' but Nick was finding it difficult to follow conversations and his radiating hostility was off-putting to all. He fidgetted and tossed and turned - trying and failing to get comfortable. Jillian was up and down trying to help him - fluffing his pillows, stroking his hair and laying a hand against his forehead when she felt the warmth of his skin. The attending nurse took his temperature and dosed him with paracetamol to combat the emerging low grade fever. His mother tried to settle him again and was rewarded with a hiss of pain and a scowl when she tried to readjust the bed clothes only to have the sheet catch on a couple of partially healing wounds and opened them up again.

Jillian was doing it tough. She hadn't seen her youngest child in nearly 9 months and had gone through the living hell of his abduction. His anger towards her was the final straw. Her eyes welled as she sat back in the chair.  
Guilt mixed with the ever present anger and he dug his fingers into his eye sockets.

Catherine couldn't stand it any longer. She pushed herself up from the chair and put a hand on Jillians shoulder "Lets go get a coffee." she said quietly, "It'll give everyone a break." Jillian nodded, not wanting to give in to her tears in front of Nick - she knew his hostility was not personal, but it didn't dull the hurt.

When they had gone, Grissom sat watching Nick for a few moments. His fingers remained pushed into his eyes until his mother left then came away, the palm of his hand resting firmly on his forehead for a moment before dropping down across his chest.

Grissom raised an eyebrow as he continued to watch him. "Nick?" he asked quietly. Nick continued to look up at the ceiling, making no indication that he had even heard his name.

Grissom sighed and pushed himself up from the chair, moving to stand at the end of the bed and holding the foot rail. Nick took a couple of hitching breaths and turned his head to one side. Grissom placed a hand on Nicks foot and squeezed. More tears pricked at the corner of Nicks eyes and he punched his fists down on the mattress in angry frustration. He did it again. His hands gripped a wad of bed clothes on either side of his body and he squeezed so hard his knuckles turned almost white. His eyes closed tight - the healing bites on the tender skin on his temples and eyebrows pulled as he squeezed them shut. Despite his desperate attempt, salty tears pushed their way out of the corner of his eyes and tracked along his cheek. His nose started to run and his shoulders started to shake as he fought a losing battle to control his breathing. Grissom moved to the side of the bed and sat down placing a strong hand against Nicks shoulder and squeezing.

"Its OK to get angry, Nick." he said gently. Nick punched the mattress again. "Nick. Listen to me. Get angry. Get as angry as hell. But not at your family. Not at us. Get angry that it happened and then let it go." Nick didn't move. His breathing calmed though as he listened to Grissoms words and his eyes slowly opened. "Nicky, don't let it destroy you. Don't take it with you."

There was silence for several long moments before Grissom heard his colleagues worn out, hoarse voice, barely above a whisper - "How?" he asked simply a hand coming up to swipe at the tear tracks.

Grissom forced a smile which he hoped indicated the confidence he didn't necessarily feel - he was, after all, no counsellor. Hell, he was barely social! But Nick was in need of a friend and, for the first time in years, he desperately needed a mentor - someone he could rely on and trust. Someone to guide him. He needed Grissom.

Grissom squeezed his shoulder gently again as he replied. "We'll help you Nick. You don't have to do this alone."

Nick continued to stare at the wall. He looked beyond exhausted.

"Nick?"

Nick turned his head back to look at his boss - the first eye contact he had made since Grissom had arrived. He was a changed man. Grissom saw it in his eyes.

"You can talk to me, Nick. Anytime."

"Thankyou." Grissom barely heard the reply.

Catherine listened as Jillian debriefed through two skinny lattes - how she missed Nick living in Texas, how she worried about her youngest child, how she feard for his life and how helpless she felt both during his abduction and now he was back. She cried with the pain of watching him struggle with the panic attacks - the raw terror in his pre-waking moments.

Catherine listened and comforted - mother to mother. More than anything, she reinforced to Jillian not to take Nicks hostility personally. He was letting his guard down to the people he loved most in the world. His family.

Coffeed and cried out Jillian and Catherine headed back up to Nicks room.

Grissom was sitting in a chair close to the bed. Nick was curled up on his side, securely tucked up beneath the bedsheet and blanket and fast asleep. His breathing was deep and even and he looked peaceful - so different from the previous few hours.

Catherine and Jillian both gazed at him momentarily - amazed at the transformation.

Grissom smiled at them.

Job done, it was time to go home and get some sleep.

**Sorry guys - this chapter was a bit of a quick one. Not a lot of thought went into it. I do apologise for a few spelling mistakes in previous chapters too - I hadn't proof read them before I submitted them - just wanted to get them out there! I hope you're enjoying this and, yes again, please review. Please. And many, many thanks for all those who have reviewed already and continue to review each new chapter. **


	6. Chapter 6

**New chapter up. THank you so much for the reviews. LOVE 'EM!!**

CHAPTER 6

Nick woke mid afternoon. He had slept soundly for nearly 5 hours and was in a much better frame of mind despite the fact he was still burdened with anxiety and panic attacks.

A hospital appointed psychologist had arrived while Nick was sleeping and came back once he was awake to start the intensive counselling sessions. He had spoken with Jillian and Roger while Nick slept and had discussed Nicks sleeping difficulties and his initial response to the trauma. What he reinforced most to both parents was that, in order to recover, Nick would have to face his trauma head on - and it would be confronting and it would be painful. There would be tears, there would be anger and there would be healing.

He arrived back to assess Nick later in the afternoon.

It was a new experience for both of them - Nick had never spoken to a counsellor before, and the psychologist had never spoken with anyone who had been buried in a coffin and eaten by fireants before. The counsellor coped better than his patient.

Nick found it too confronting and intimidating to speak about his ordeal with a stranger. He found he couldn't verbalise his feelings and found the tears which appeared embarrassing. The better frame of mind which he had woken with soon disappeared and his anxieties and frustrations started to come to the fore again. His hands started fidgeting and scratching the bites and his agitation became more and more apparent as the session continued. He was becomming increasingly emotional, tears and shakes as the psychologist walked him through the experience.

Finally, the psychologist had to end the counselling and bring Nicks parents back into the room when he was no longer able to talk.

His parents had been waiting just outside the room and Jillian rushed to her sons side as his distress was obvious as soon as she entered the room. Nick was a mess - fingers dug into his eye sockets as he sobbed at the horrible memories of the last few days, his whole body shaking, skin pale as the surrounding walls. Jillian sat on the edge of the bed and pulled Nick into her arms, tucked his head into the crook of her shoulder and neck and held him tightly.

She glanced at the psychologist in despair - how could causing her son this much pain possibly be helping him?

Nick clung onto his mother as he cried. He was in physical pain. His chest hurt, his throat was burning and his head was starting to ache but the tears would not stop and the shaking was getting worse instead of better. His body was vibrating so hard his mother was shaking too. He felt strong hands on his shoulders and became aware of his father sitting on the bed behind him, his forehead coming to rest on the back of Nicks head.

After several long minutes, he settled. His tears dried up and his breathing steadied but he remained content to stay in his Moms arms feeling safe and secure like he always had when he was a child. He felt his dad pull back and the weight on the mattress disappeared when his father stood up, though he kept a protective hand on his sons shoulder.

The psychologists voice made Nick jump a little, which must have been perceptable even through the shakes as he felt his mothers embrace tighten again.

"You've done well, Nick." he started, "I know that you don't want to think too much about what you've been through, but I cant stress enough how important it is for you to start talking about it. I wish I could make this less painful for you but all I can do is tell you it will get easier. The more you talk about your abduction the easier it will become. We're going to continue these sessions twice a day until you're discharged. I'm going to teach you some relaxation and coping techniques so you'll be able to manage the panic attacks by yourself and I'm going to prescribe you Ambien for any crisis times when you need a bit more help."

Nick nodded, his head was still resting against his Moms shoulder. He was so tired. He felt his eyes getting heavier and heavier as he felt his Mom rubbing his back and stroking the back of his head.

The psychologist smiled and got up. "I'll come back this evening and start with the relaxation exercises, Nick. That should help you sleep as well. Just remember - you're OK. You're safe. It will get easier."

The certainty in the way the words were delivered and the comfort from his mothers embrace made him more and more relaxed. He closed his eyes - they were too heavy to stay open and heard the soft voices of his father and the psychologist as they both left the room.

He was safe.

He was OK.

He was asleep.

Jillian felt her sons weight increase in her arms and felt him take a deep breath in and out as he finally succumbed to sleep. She gently lowered him back down on the pillows and took a moment to just look at him, stroking her fingers through his hair and counting her blessings that she still had him. The youngest of her seven children. Her little boy. Her baby.

She thought back to the phone call in her office. She had been busy preparing for a landmark case with all the confidence of a respected and prominant prosecutor, wife of a State Supreme Court Judge. She knew the ins and outs of the legal system intimately. There were few things that rattled her now. The phone call from her husband and the desperation and fear in his voice did more than rattle her. She had lost every ounce of the confidence and reverted to terrified mother in the space of a couple of seconds. She thought back to the utter desperation of trying to get an immediate flight to Las Vegas. The absolute need to get to her child. It didn't matter that Nick was an adult now. That he was 35 years old and living an independent life in, of all places, Las Vegas. At that moment, he was Jillian Stokes' little boy and she would have moved Heaven and Earth to get to him.

She watched him now, peacefully asleep. The tremors had stopped as he drifted into sleep.

He was safe.

He was OK.

He was back with his family.

**As always - please drop me a line and review. Most of my stories dont really have a plan before I set out so I just sit and write. Any feedback is greatly appreciated as it gives me a focus for where I should head. Does anyone want an appearance from Nicks brother, Robbie, in this story (from Day From Hell)?**


	7. Chapter 7

**I'm sorry in advance but there will be another delay in posting the next chapter I'm going away for 4 days so wont be able to write during that time. So sorry about that but I'll try and get another chapter out as soon as I can. **

CHAPTER 7

Nick was tranferred to a general ward during the afternoon. Being a member of the LVPD did have its benefits at times - he had scored a private room.

The relaxation techniques which Nick learnt that evening helped him settle into sleep quicker than the previous night. It didn't stop the nightmares though and he was being woken up by dark memories regularly. His father remained by his side throughout the night getting up and down in response to his sons screams and cries, settling him back into sleep and trying to catch some rest in between times. The hours dragged by until, at last, the first rays of light appeared out the hospital window.

Roger Stokes sat forward in the chair and rubbed weary hands across his face. He looked over at his son who had finally settled into a deep sleep almost an hour and a half earlier. The noise of early morning staff changes drifted through the closed door. He rested his chin on his hands - arms resting upright on his knees - he watched Nick, concern etched in his face - how in the hell was his boy going to get back on his feet after this.

He thought back to that phone call from Catherine. He had always thought, naively he now realised, that the hard part of parenting was done. He and Jillian had created and raised seven wonderful children who he loved more than life itself. He had always been busy with his career and wasn't at home as much as he would have liked, but he had always been there for his kids when they needed him. He had been the disciplinarian and at times had needed to come down hard, he had endured sleepless nights with worry about one or another of his children, he had felt pain and fear like he had never experienced, but more than anything he had experienced a love he had never thought possible. Now, he had seven well adjusted, well educated children, all independent and living their own successful lives, producing much loved and eagerly anticipated grandchildren and it was time to enjoy the fruits of his labor.

And yet, in the space of one phone call, this wonderful life imploded and he was reminded savagely that being a concerned parent never ends. The sudden burst of fear for his youngest child was as sharp as a knife to the chest. Telling his wife of 46 years that their boy was in grave danger was the hardest thing he had ever had to do. The helplessness was all consuming.

And it got so much worse.

Standing in front of that monitor watching his son lying defeated and defenseless in that damned box. He would gladly have changed places with his Pancho if it could have saved him even one more minute of terror. The wait was agonising. It was almost too much for him to take.

Finally the word had come through. His son had been found...alive! He and Jillian had rushed to his side, had promised him it was over, that he was safe. The relief was indescribable.

And then, the nightmares the panic attacks. Seeing his strong, vibrant, loving son reduced to the frightened, angry, terrorised shell of the person he had once been - well, that just broke his heart again.

He pushed up from the chair and moved to the side of the bed. Nick was soundly asleep. The ant bites were beginning to heal, those that hadn't ruptured were losing their redness and were going down. The scabbed over ruptured sights were healing too, although several on his arms were still open as Nicks hands rubbed and scratched them during his acute panic attacks. There would be several scars to remind him of his ordeal.

Roger grazed a hand through Nicks short hair and lay it against the side of his head, his thumb rubbing Nicks temple gently.

After a moment, he stood straight, stretched and headed out to the small kitchenette attached to the nurses station. It was a facility for the patients and their families and had been much appreciated by Judge Stokes during the night. He made himself a strong cup of coffee and chatted to the male nurse who was on morning shift and would be caring for Nick.

Standing just outside the room, Judge Stokes heard the soft cries and moans signalling the start of another round of dreams. He got back to Nicks side fast enough to settle him into deep sleep again without him waking fully. He pulled up the seat close to the edge of the bed and pulled the previous days newspaper off the bedside cabinet and started re-reading the news, sipping on his coffee as he did so.  
It was nearly another hour by the time Jillian Stokes arrived to take over watch from her husband. Nick was still sleeping but was getting closed to waking, becomming more restless as he got closer and closer to consciousness.

Jillian and Roger sat close together talking softly. Jillian had been in contact with their other children the previous evening and had kept them up to date with Nicks condition. Roger filled Jillian in on the nights events. They were discussing their plans for extending their stay in Las Vegas when Roger sensed being watched. He looked across at his son and saw two tired dark eyes looking back, at half mast as if they were too heavy to keep open.

Roger and Jillian both smiled tenderly at Nick. Jillian got to her feet and moved to the side of the bed. Leaning over him she brushed gentle fingers through his hair and pulled the blanket up, tucking it in around his shoulders. She continued to stroke his hair and smiled in satisfaction as she watched his eyes lose their fight to stay open. Another hour or two, she thought, and it might be enough to get him through the rest of the day.

Jillian sat back next to her husband once Nick was settled again and leant into his body as his arm came around her in support.

"I think we should take him home with us." she said quietly.

Roger Stokes leant across and lay a gentle kiss on top of her head.

"That's not our decision, Jill." he answered. "We have to let Nick control the controllables." His arm tightened briefly around his wife as he felt her stiffen, preparing her arguement.

As she opened her mouth to retaliate, Roger cut her off. "We cant take that away from him. We have to help him get back on his feet without suffocating him".

"But he needs us to support him." argued Jillian.

"And we will. But he needs his independence, Jill. We can stay with him here if he wants or he can come home with us. But either way, it has to be his choice. He's been through enough. That son of a bitch took away our boys confidence. He took away his faith in the goodness of people. I can't take away his right to make decisions. I can't do that to him."

Jillian wiped the stray tear from her eye and squeezed her husbands hand tightly. She felt a deep upsurge of love for him. His concern and compassion for his childrens welfare was one of the many things she adored about him and was one of the key reasons their marriage had been so strong for so many years.

She nodded and squeezed his hand again as his embraced tightened again. Roger rested his lips again her hair. They sat, content with the closeness of each other, both watching over their sleeping son.

**Please review. You know I love it. Please.**


	8. Chapter 8

**As always, thankyou so much for the great reviews. This is a bit of a quick chapter - I felt bad for not updating sooner. I've tried to focus on the effects of Nicks kidnapping on the main characters of the story - Nicks parents and Grissom and Catherine. I'm not sure if I've really achieved it yet but more to come. **

CHAPTER 8

Catherine arrived back at the hospital to visit mid afternoon. Roger and Jillian Stokes used the opportunity to head back to Nicks apartment and organise their work commitments. Both had court dates to juggle. Nick had been asleep when his parents left and Catherine was more than happy to sit with him until their return. His parents were grateful for the time out and Catherine was grateful for the opportunity to spend time with Nick.

She had been traumatised by his kidnapping. Catherine had always been close to Nick. She had always been rather aloof with new staff - not intentially but she wasn't there to make friends, she was there to do her job. From day one with Nick though, she had felt a fierce protectiveness towards him. His boyish looks and youthful enthusiasm coupled well with his country boy innocence and it both made her smile and caused all her maternal instincts to kick in. She enjoyed mothering him. She enjoyed making him blush with her cheeky flirtation. She enjoyed vetoing would be girlfriends. She respected his honesty. She respected his loyalty.

The night he was taken. She remembered how she had called Nick and Warrick her two favourite guys - one who set her heart fluttering out of lust, the other her surrogate son. She remembered the phone call from Brass vividly. She remembered how she had to force herself to remain calm and professional when her head and heart were both screaming with shock. She remembered how her breath had caught in her throat when she had arrived at the scene and laid eyes on his vest. She had spent the ride over trying to block out the reality in her head - it was just another case...follow the evidence. Then her eyes saw _STOKES _printed across the right breast pocket and it had hit her. This was not another case. This one was personal. Nicky was in deep trouble and there was nothing she could do other than process the scene.

She had felt useless. She had felt helpless. She had felt frustrated and angry and sick to the stomach with worry.

She had to make that goddamn awful phone call to his parents. Speaking to his father she had bore the anger and shock of his real parent. All the emotions that she herself had gone through were mirrored by a man she had never met living several thousand miles away.

She couldn't stand watching him on the monitor - it ripped her heart to pieces watching his terror and pain. So, she had spent the time working the scene of Gordans warehouse and analysing the evidence. It kept her mind busy and let her focus on finding the vital piece of information that could lead them to Nick.

Finally the call came through from Grissom for an urgent team meeting, he had found something. They did what they did best. They put the pieces together and found the nursery and consequently found Nick - alive, albeit barely.

Then, the call from Hodges and it started all over again - they had Nick within sight and yet could still lose him. Only this time it was immeasurably worse - they could hear him too. The screams of desperate panic when he realised they were pulling back and leaving him alone in the box again were sould destroying. In his exhausted, oxygen depleted brain his friends were abandoning him and leaving him to die. He was beyond scared.

Catherine raised a hand to wipe away a stray tear at the memories, coming back to the reality of the hospital room when she noticed tired brown eyes fixed on her and a hand reaching out to her.  
She smiled gently at Nicks worried face as she grabbed his hand and squeezed it tight.

"You 'K?" he murmured softly, his voice still gravelly from sleep.

Catherine chuckled - half laugh, half sob - as she sniffed back further tears and moved to the side of the bed. Running her fingers through his hair she sat on the edge of the bed and said, "Yeah, Nicky, I'm fine."

His eyebrows were still creased with concern. "Cryin'?" he asked again.

Catherine pursed her lips and shook her head. "No, no. I'm fine, sweetie, really. I'm just happy we've got you back safe."

Nick raised his eyebrows briefly in response before offering her a slight smile of his own.

He sat himself up, wincing as the scabs covering the ruptured bites pulled and tweaked against the sheets. He yawned and rubbed his hands over his face, scrubbing away the remnants of sleep.

Catherine watched him for a few moments. He was looking more awake than he had for days.

"Have you been sleeping well?" she asked.

Nick snorted into his hands and dropped them down onto his lap as his head hung down.

"No." he answered. He paused for a moment before taking a deep breath in and out and turning to give Catherine another humourless smile.

"I keep goin' back there, Cath. As soon as I'm asleep, I'm back in that goddamn box."

Catherine frowned and brought a hand up to rest against the side of Nicks head, rubbing her thumb gently against his temple.

"It will get better, Nick." she said quietly. "It'll take time, but you'll get there."  
Nick sighed deeply again, chuckling bitterly as he exhaled, the last of his breath catching in a sudden, sob. He brought a hand up quickly to cover his face, fingers digging in hard to his eyes as tears appeared again. His frustation with being so vulnerable and the constant fluctuation of emotions was clear as he pulled his fingers away and swiped at the tears on his face.

Catherine ducked her head down to give him a minute to regroup, her hand still against his temple. She heard his breathing hitch and hiccough as he fought hard against his emotions.

After several moments, she heard his breaths even out and felt him pull away as he fell back on the pillows. She lifted her head back up to look at him. His cheeks bore the tear tracks he had tried to scrub away and his fingers had found their way back to his eye sockets.

Catherine dropped her hand to rest on his abdomen. "Nick, it will be OK. We'll help you through this."

Nick nodded slightly but didn't remove his fingers from his eyes.

"I'm just so tired, Cath."

Catherine rubbed her thumb against the sheet covering him.

"Just try and sleep, sweetie." she said softly. "I'll stay with you."

His fingers finally came away from his eyes as his arm dropped over them instead.

"Its OK. We'll help you through."

She continued the mantra over and over until his breathing slowed and he succumbed to sleep once more.

**Please, please keep the reviews coming. Many thanks in advance. **


	9. Chapter 9

**New chapter!! **

CHAPTER 9

The following days passed by in a blur of physiotherapy, visitors and counselling. With a combination of medication and relaxation techniques, Nick was sleeping for longer periods and was having fewer dreams. When the nightmares did come, they were managed quickly and he could resettle faster.

All of his friends from the lab made regular visits and, as the days progressed, Nick drew comfort from their support and was able to participate in conversations more freely - concentrating for longer periods of time.

On the day before he was due to be discharged home, Grissom arrived, without Catherine for once, and sat alone with Nick for nearly two hours - just the two of them and the briefcase which Grissom had brought with him.

Grissom realised that he couldn't remember a time, other than when they were working a case together, that he had spent so much time one on one with his younger colleague. It had started out rather awkward.

Grissom, not particularly good with small talk, had tried to initiate the easy banter that Catherine always seemed to be able to generate. It may have been more successful if Nick was his old self. But he wasn't. At least not yet.

His emotions continued to fluctuate dramatically and rapidly. It was alarming for his visitors, although they were all prepared and coped well, and equally alarming and frustrating for Nick. He felt as if he was on a roller coaster - one minute smiling and talking, the next shaky and full of anxiety or tearful and withdrawn. The counselling was basic while he was in hospital - just focusing on getting him through day by day and, importantly, helping him to get much needed rest and sleep. The hospital psychologist had referred him to an independent psychologist, who he would start intensive sessions with once he was discharged.

So, Grissom worked with what he had - a quiet, polite, but anxiety riddled Nick.

Admitting defeat with the awkward conversation, Grissom started with his alterior motive. He was there on business. He had to debrief Nick - take his statement. It was protocol to hear the version of events from survivors of crime in order to analyse and improve how future investigations were managed. Nick was to be no exception and Grissom had volunteered immediately to be the one who went through the events with him. It was his way of reaching out to his young colleague.

Grissom proceeded slowly, making sure Nick was following the story and understanding what he was being told. He was invited to contribute whenever he could remember details. However, he was having trouble remembering much in between arriving at the scene and waking in the box - Grissom suspected it was related to the ether which had been used to subdue him and which was notorious for producing sustained amnesia. It frustrated Nick and Grissom watched as his anxiety grew, causing his hands to start trembling again. He watced as Nick gripped his hands tightly together almost unconsciously.

Grissom stopped momentarily and offered Nick some water, which he accepted gratefully. The pause in proceedings took the edge off the difficult conversation.

When it recommenced, Nick was able to offer more of what he remembered but it was taking its toll. The memories exhausted him and the emotions which he was forced to relive caused the shakes to reappear yet again.

Grissom slowed the pace even further.

Finally the time came for Grissom to discuss the webcam. He had delayed bringing up the subject, not sure what was the best way to introduce the fact that the team had been able to watch him throughout his entire ordeal.

He decided honesty and directness was the best and explained it carefully and slowly, watching Nick carefully - making sure that he was following what was being said. He watched as a frown of confusion passed over Nicks face before the reality set in. Nick stared at Grissom as his brain tried to put all of his questions into words but nothing came out.

Finally his mouth cooperated and he managed "How?"

Grissom raised his eyebrows in a shrug and sighed. He moved his chair in closer and dropped his voice lower as he answered. "Walter Gordan had attached a small internet camera to the lid of the box. It was connected to the light source so everytime we clicked on the icon it would activate the light and start transmitting through the weblink."

He paused and watched as Nick processed the information. The ongoing effects of the drugs combined with the exhaustion and the trauma from the kidnapping had slowed Nicks cognitive functioning a little - he was finding it difficult to think straight.

"But, the light was connected to the fan." Nick murmured to himself, he was looking beyond Grissom - it was clear he wasn't in the room at that moment - he was back in the box remembering how he had shot out the light.

"The light was connected to the fan," he repeated, "I shot the light 'cos it was connected to the fan. Was so hot and the fan kept stoppin' and...and the ants. The ants came in and got all over me and were bitin' me everywhere. An' I couldn't move they were bitin' me so bad." His voice was becomming more agitated as he remembered the details - his accent getting thicker and thicker. Grissom reached out and rested a hand on Nicks forearm, squeezing gently to anchor him to the present.

"Yes. We were accessing the weblink. It was the only way we could make sure you were still OK. We didn't know the light was connected to the fan until you shot it out. We saw the fireants and idenitfied the species which, in turn, led us to the nursery and to you."

Grissom kept his hand on Nicks arm as he waited for a response.

Nick was still clearly reliving the events. He looked up at the ceiling as he recounted being found. "I was so scared. So scared...and the ants! They were bitin' me and it was hurtin' so much, An' the gun was there an' I was gonna do it!". He had forgotten about the gun. He had forgotten the feel of it under his chin and how he was so close to ending it all. How he couldn't take it anymore. Suddenly he was back in the room. He swung his gaze - horrified and frightened all over again - to Grissom. He pulled his arm away from Grissoms hand inadvertantly as he pulled himself up further until he was sitting bolt upright in bed. He pulled his knees up and rested his elbows on them, resting his head in his hands as the shakes started again.

"I was gonna do it, Grissom. I was gonna do it and I was shit scared and...shit! I was gonna do it! Then 'Rick was there an' you were there. But I was really gonna do it an' if y'all hadda arrived five minutes later..." he trailed off as he brought his palms up to dig into his eyes and dug his fingers into his forehead.

Grissom got to his feet and moved in close, resting his hands on Nicks shoulders and trying to anchor him again.

"But you didn't. And that's what you need to hang on to. You didn't pull that trigger and we found you in time and you're safe. You're OK. That's all that matters."

"But..."

"No, Nick. You're here. That's all that matters."

Grissoms voice was soft and confident. It was a voice Nick could trust. It was the same tone as when Grissom had calmed him while still in the box. And it worked now.

Nick kept his head in his hands a moment longer, finally scrubbing his face with them and dropped back on the pillows.

Grissom waited a moment then continued.

"Dont take it with you, Nick. You're here. That's all that matters."

His full bodied shakes had subsided but his hands were still trembling.

Grissom stood and moved back to the chair.

Opening the briefcase, Grissom removed photos of the nursery and Gordan's warehouse. He moved back to Nick and looked at him momentarily - making sure he was OK to continue.

"Nick," he said, "I'm going to walk you through the evidence. I want you to stop me if you don't feel you can go on. OK?"

Nick sighed deeply again and nodded slightly.

Grissom smiled at him. The last week he had seen another side to Nick - a side he had always suspected had been there but that he had never really thought about. He saw incredible strength of spirit, amazing courage and, most importantly, he saw a man with a real future ahead of him. He would need help, of course. But Grissom was more determined than ever to be there as a friend as well as a colleague.

Sitting next to the bed, Grissom spent much of the next hour going through the photographic evidence. He walked him through each piece and patiently explained everything. By the end, Nick was exhausted, physically and mentally. He had coped better than Grissom had expected with all the photos, but was tiring rapidly by the end.

Packing the photos away, Grissom picked up his briefcase, stood, moved to the side of the bed and reached out to gently squeeze Nicks shoulder, giving him another encouraging smile.

"Take it easy, pal. You call me if you need me. OK? Anytime." Grissom said.

Nick nodded slightly. "Thanks, Grissom. For everything."  
Grissom smiled again.

"Remember, Nick. Don't take it with you."

**Please review. I know I say that after every chapter but I do really appreciate it and need a bit of extra motivation at times. Thanks in advance : )**


	10. Chapter 10

CHAPTER 10

Nick sat in the passenger seat of his SUV and looked at the front door of his town house. He smiled with happiness at finally getting home. He thought of how he had run out of the front door a week earlier, running late for his shift, never considering for a second how different his life would be by the time he finally got home again.

It had not even crossed his mind that, by the time he walked through the front door again, his life would be forever changed, his parents would have been living in his house without him, and he would have come closer to death than he had ever been before.

If he had have known what was ahead of him, what would he have done differently, he wondered.

Well, for one, he would have cleaned up a bit. He remembered dropping his gym clothes on the floor of the bathroom as he grabbed a quick shower, and how he had figured he would throw them in the clothes basket when he got home after his shift. He hadn't even had time to do that before he ran out the door.

He would have made his bed, too. He had always been pretty negligent when it had come to bedmaking - even as a kid.

None of that mattered, however, once he walked inside.

His Mom had been busy cooking and cleaning. Magazines and newspapers had been tied in neat bundles. Rubbish had been taken out and collected. Benches wiped, towels laundered, bedding changed and fresh sheets waiting for him.

Nick settled himself on the couch and enjoyed the motherly pampering. A mug of coffee, a homemade sandwich for lunch and the TVs remote control and he was all set for the afternoon.

Animal Planet and History Channel filled in until mid afternoon when Warrick arrived. He enjoyed Warricks visits. Of all his friends, Warrick was the only one he could be himself with. He didn't have to talk about what had happened or justify himself. His friend accepted his mood swings, anxiety attacks, tears and nightmares without comment - a hand on his shoulder or a hand ruffling his short hair was the only acknowledgement of behaviour which was out of the ordinary for Nick.

Nick told Warrick of Grissoms visit the previous day and how he had shown him the photos and talked him through the evidence. Warrick listened without comment. He had known that Grissom was debriefing Nick and that it would involve details and photos. He was surprised Nick was speaking about it.

When he was done talking, the two men sat quietly for several long moments. Warrick listened to the quiet productivity of Nicks Mom working away in the kitchen. He heard cooking trays being moved around and the hum of the oven as it preheated. He heard the sounds of industrious baking.

And then he heard his best friends voice, barely above a whisper, say "I want to meet Gordan's daughter."

Warrick's head swung to the side so quickly he felt it crick. He glared at Nick with a mixture of raw concern and anger.

He wasn't angry at him, of course. He was angry at how one sonofabitch could come along and kick Nicks knees out from under him, make his life a complete train wreck and then blow himself up. A part of him was pissed that Nick would never get the chance to confront Gordan in court and make him accountable for his actions. Most of him, however, was beyond relieved that Nick could restart his life without ever having to worry about Gordan effecting his life again.

To hear Nick saying he wanted to meet Gordans daughter scared the hell out of Warrick. He worried Nick would never be able to let go as long as long as she was around.

His head was shaking from side to side before he even started debating the point with Nick.

"Let it go, man. You don't owe her anythin' "

Nick hung his head and focused on his hands which were clenching and unclenching in his lap.

"I wanna meet her, 'Rick"

"Jesus, Nicky!! Why do you do this to yourself?"

"I'm not a kid, 'Rick. I can look after myself."

"Nick!!" Warrick paused and took a couple of steadying breaths - he hadn't meant to sound so condescending. "I'm sorry, man. I know that. I just...I dont want you to feel you have to do this...she's nothin' to do with any of this. She's nothin' to do with you."

"I'm not doing this for her, 'Rick. I'm doing this for me. I need to see her."

Warrick gazed at his friend, deeply concerned. Deeply protective of him.

He reached out and grabbed Nicks wrist, holding it tight.

Nick frowned slightly and looked up, the force of Warricks grasp and the intensity of his gaze conveyed his feelings more than his words. He didn't want Nick to have to go through any more pain, any more fear, any more Gordan related misery.

"Don't do this, man." he said simply.

Nick shook his head and dropped his gaze back to his lap momentarily before lifting it once more and meeting his friends eyes.

"I'm gonna see her." he said quietly. Dropping his hands to the couch, Nick pushed up ad shuffled down the hallway to his room, closing the door firmly. Discussion closed.

Warrick hung his head in defeat and cursed the bullheadedness of the Texan. He took a deep breath and raised his head, scrubbing his face with his hands. He was exhausted.

"He's determined to go." Jillian Stokes' quiet voice startled Warrick - he had almost forgotten that she was there. She appeared from the kitchen and came to sit on the lounge next to him.  
"I've tried to talk him out of it as well." she said. "He's adament that he's going to meet her. He feels he needs to do it for closure." Jillian turned to look at Warrick, her hands clasped in her lap. "I dont want him to have to go through any more stress. He's just so headstrong."

Warrick chuckled and smiled at Nicks mom.  
"Its what helped him survive." he said simply.

Jillian Stokes watched from the open front door as Warricks car pulled out of Nicks drive and headed off down the street. Closing the door she paused briefly before heading down the corridor to Nicks room. She opened the door slowly and looked into the darkened room at the apparently sleeping form of her son on the bed. He was curled up on his left side, facing the wall, a pillow hugged tightly to his chest - too tightly for someone peacefully asleep.

Jillian frowned to herself and went to sit on the side of the bed, his back to her.  
She reached out and started stroking his hair softly.

"Warricks gone." she said softly.

Nick nodded slightly but did not answer.

"He's concerned about you, Nick. We're all concerned about you."  
Still, Nick offered no response.

Jillian saw the arms around the pillow tighten more.

She continued to stroke his hair.

Finally a whispered, tense reply - "I can take care of myself."

Jillian sighed.

"I know you can, my darling. You've been taking care of yourself for years. We all just love you. We want to protect you. And, if you need to do this - if you really feel you need to do this - we'll support you all the way. We'll always be here for you when you need us."

Nicks body visibly relaxed at the words.

"Thanks, Mom" he whispered.

Jillian smiled and leant down to lay a gentle kiss on the side of Nick head.

"You're welcome, sweatheart. Now try and get some sleep. I'll wake you for dinner."

Nick closed his eyes again and felt a weight lift from his shoulders. He was going to do it. He was going to meet the person whose predicament had triggered all of this, and had already planned what he was going to say to her.

He was taking control.

He was ending it.

He was going to get his life back.

**As always, I'm not really sure where I'll end up with this...but we'll wait and see. I was just always really frustrated that they finished the episode so abruptly just when it was getting really, really good! What happened in between going off in the ambulance and visiting Kelly Gordan in jail and how did Nick get it in his head he needed to see her. OK, so maybe I haven't really answered the last part of that. Sorry about that.**


	11. Chapter 11

**Sorry guys, a really quick chapter. But I have worked out probably where I'm heading with it now. I've got a really busy few weeks coming up with exams, work and moving home but I'll try and get some more chapters under the belt as quick as I can. **

**P.S. A few bits of bad language in this chapter so if you're only a wee young thing or if you're easily offended, please look away : )**

CHAPTER 11

Warrick drove from Nicks home straight to the lab for the start of his swing shift. He was worried sick about Nick going to visit Kelly Gordan but he had a plan.

Grissom.

He would speak with Grissom and get him to stop Nick.

Nick may not have always agreed with everything Grissom had said, but he had always done what Grissom had told him to do.

Warrick arrived at the lab and made his way straight to his former boss' office. As he expected, he was already in and was sitting behind his desk, flicking thorugh journals as if searching for something.

Warrick knocked gently on the open door and Grissom looked up over the top of his reading glasses, waving him in to take a seat. Warrick sat heavily, weighed down with concern for his best friend, and watched his mentor as he flicked page after page after page until finally he found the article he was searching for - a photograph at the top of the page and an article with the large heading '_Hypersensitivity and Fatal Anaphylaxis with Red (Solenopsis Invicta) and Black (Solenopsis Richteri) Imported Fire Ants_'. Even looking at the photograph of the damned ant made Warricks skin crawl. God only knew how Nick had tolerated the ants crawling and biting him for so long, Warrick thought. He was sure that if the situation was reversed, he wouldn't have lasted half as long as his friend.

Grissom looked up and noticed Warrick staring at the photo and quickly marked the page and closed the journal.

"Have you been to see Nick?" he asked Warrick without preamble.

Warrick nodded and cast his eyes down to his lap momentarily before looking back up to make eye contact again.

"Is something wrong?" Grissom asked, suddenly concerned. Fear and concern seemed to be his new best friends since Nicks abduction.

Warrick groaned and rubbed his hands over his face.

"He wants to go to see Kelly Gordan in jail, Gris." he said quietly. "He thinks he needs to see her before he can move on."

Grissom sat back in his chair and interlaced his fingers to form a triangle in front of him. He looked over his glasses again at Warrick, raising one eyebrow in question.

"And you dont think that he should?" Grissom replied.

Warrick pushed himself out of the chair in a sudden movement.  
"Hell no!" he roared angrily. "Jesus, Gris, he's just out of hospital. He's still getting his head around all this. He's not ready to go to the shops yet, let alone go to the goddamn jail to meet with some goddamn bitch who's goddamn father tried to kill him. Goddamn it Grissom!!"

Grissom continued to sit back, watching the outburst, analysing Warricks response, without showing any emotion himself.

It infuriated Warrick even more.

"Fuck, Grissom!! He aint strong enough to cope with this shit at the moment. He gets it into that thick Texan skull o' his that he can only move forward by hurtin' himself even more. Well, I'm not standing around letting him beat himself to a pulp."

Grissom shrugged almost imperceptibly.

"OK." he replied, "So, what are you going to do about it."

Warrick brought his hands back up to rub at his face again before sinking back down in the chair. Defeat. The anger in the outburst had abated now and he was left right back where he was at the beginning - with a mule headed friend who wouldn't take no for an answer.

"Well, thats the problem." he admitted, "He's not listening to me at the moment. I'm just pissing him off even more."  
Grissom shrugged with his eyebrows before dropping his hands back in his lap.

"Thats why I thought maybe you could talk him out of it."

Grissom frowned in thought.

"Warrick, have you thought that maybe Nicks right about this? Maybe he does need to do this to move on?"

Warricks head sprung up. He glared at Grissom over the desk, his eyes burning with intensity. Grissom held up a hand to halt Warricks objections before they started.

"He's not a child, Warrick. He's obviously given it a good deal of thought. Maybe he needs to face Kelly Gordan to get some closure."

Warrick was shaking his head in disbelief.

"Grissom, how is this going to end well for him? He's barely able to function at the moment. He can't even manage by himself. How is he clear headed enough to be able to make that sort of call. He's still drugged up to the eyeballs on sleeping tablets and shit. He cant make that sort of decision rationally. He'll completely fuck himself up in the head if he goes ahead with it." His voice was becomming louder and more forceful the more he spoke. The anger was welling up again.

Grissom sighed deeply and leant forward over the desk. He pulled off his glasses and rubbed at his eyes, suddenly very tired.

"Fine. Warrick, I'll go over in the morning and talk to him. But I wont talk him out of it if his reasons are well thought out. I trust him. And you need to as well."

**A really short chapter - sorry. Will try for a longer one next time. **


	12. Chapter 12

**Another chapter up. Many thanks to SmokeyTV for much valued support and pre-reading. Please review. Many thanks in advance.**

CHAPTER 12

As promised, at the end of a quiet shift Grissom went home, showered and waited for a reasonable visiting hour before heading to see Nick. Nick was showered, dressed and catching up on some sports action on the TV when he arrived. The household around him was buzzing with activity as his father was heading back to Texas that afternoon and Nick had his first scheduled counselling session.  
After a brief 'hello' to Nick, Grissom followed Jillian into the kitchen on the premise of having a much needed coffee. It also gave Grissom the chance to gauge Jillian Stokes' reaction to Nicks plans.

He took a seat at the breakfast bar and cast a glance into the living room where Nick was sitting on the lounge, pretending to watch the Cowboys replay while clearly straining to make out what was being said in the kitchen. He looked more alert than he had in over a week. And he was starting to take an interest in the things happening around him again. Grissom took this as a good sign that he had started what, he was sure, would be a long recovery.

Both Grissom and Mrs Stokes kept their voices low enough so as not to carry to the lounge room.

"He's determined he's going to see that woman." Jillian was saying. "Roger and I have both tried to talk him out of it. I'm sure Warrick has already told you about his visit yesterday. That ended badly." Grissom raised his eyebrows and sighed before dropping them again.  
"He didn't go into details, but I got the gist." he admitted, remembering Warricks angry outburst.

"Jillian," called a voice from one of the bedrooms, "have you seen my red tie?"

"Its hanging on the back of the bathroom door." she called back, rolling her eyes at Grissom who smiled back.

"So, has Nick made any arrangements to visit Kelly yet?" Grissom asked. "Has he discussed having someone go with him?"

Jillian rolled he eyes again, in frustration this time.

"As far as I know he hasn't worked out when he's going. I've told him I'll go with him but he's adament he doesn't want me to. I think he's afraid I wont cope." she muttered under her breath as she placed a cup of coffee in front of Grissom. He thanked her as she continued, so quietly that Grissom suspected she was talking to herself.  
"I mean, honestly. I'm his mother. I can cope with more than he could ever imagine. I've coped with the last week and a half - after that I should be able to cope with anything! Besides, I've dealt with these sort of people all my working life. I'm a prosecutor, for Gods sake!"

Jillian had started clearing up the kitchen, wiping down the bench with an almost vicious intensity.

The voice rang out from the bedroom again. "Jill, have you seen my striped sweater?"

Jilian dropped her hands down in the bench heavily and took a deep breath in and out.

"Excuse me, Mr Grissom. I'd better go help Roger pack. I'll leave you to talk with Nick."

Grissom smiled at her as she headed to the bedroom. He paused a moment before pushing himself up from the chair and took his coffee into the living room. He smiled at Nick who glanced up at him briefly before his eyes went back to the TV. Grissom stood next to the lounge and watched Nick for a heartbeat and, when no response was given, he took a seat next to him, sipped on his coffee and noted Nick becomming more uncomfortable the longer the silence lasted. Grissom let it continue, wanting to see just how stubborn the young Texan could be. He noticed Nicks eyes flicking his way every now and then - checking to see if Grissom was still there and not really knowing if he was supposed to initiate the conversation. He certainly wasn't planning on doing much talking - particularly not if Grissom thought he could talk Nick out of visiting Kelly Gordan.

"So," said Grissom - finally ending the awkward silence. "who's Dallas playing?"

Nick cast him another bleak look and mumbled under his breath "Falcons."

Grissom nodded, feigning interest. In reality he couldn't care less about football. He preferred baseball but had never really been interested in any sports - other than poker. But he wasn't really sure that was a sport per se.

They sat in silence for several more moments, Grissom straight backed and sipping at his coffee and Nick slouched next to him resting his head against his fist - his elbow dug into the armrest, staring steadfastly at the screen although he had lost interest in the one sided match long ago.

Grissom finished his coffee and placed the empty cup on the small table in front of the lounge. He leant back into the seat and turned to focus all of his attention on Nick.

"Nick..." he started. But Nick cut in as soon as Grissom said his name.

"Look, Grissom, I appreciate you comin' over but you can tell Warrick it's not gonna work. I'm goin' to see Kelly Gordan. My mind's made up."

Having said his piece, Nick folded his arms stubbornly across his chest and returned to the TV, glaring at the screen in a silent challenge to Grissom.

Grissom watched him a moment longer - took in the radiating anger and the defensive body language. He sighed before continuing.

"Yes, Warrick doesn't want you to go. I've already discussed it with him and told him the same thing I'm about to tell you. You've obviously got your reasons for needing to see Kelly. You've obviously been thinking about it and have made your decision. I'm not here to stop you, Nick."

Nicks head remained stubbornly ahead, but Grissom noticed the disbelieving frown that appeared and the way his head turned the tiniest bit towards Grissom, his eyes sliding sideways to look at his former boss. He clearly hadn't expected this.

"So, you're not here to try and talk me out of it?" Nick asked confused.

Grissom shrugged and leant forward so he could make eye contact with Nick.

"I'm not going to try and talk you out of it." he confirmed. "If you feel you need to do this then I respect that. You're parents respect that. Warrick....well Warrick will learn to accept your decision...eventually."

Nick huffed out a humourless chuckle as Grissom continued.

"I am concerned though, that you'll be doing this alone."

Nick tensed up again.

"I'll be fine, Gris. Mom's already offered..."

Grissom reached out to lay a hand against Nicks arm causing a flinch that he tried not to notice.

"Your mom said you wont let her go. She says you dont want to worry her." Nick shrugged slightly and dropped his gaze down to his lap.

"Will you let me go with you?"

Nicks head swung up to meet Grissom eye to eye. He squirmed in the seat, acutely uncomfortable with where this conversation was heading. He had prepared himself to defend his decision, not to have Grissom come in and agree with him and offer his assistance.

"Nick, please. I don't want you to do this alone. I'll wait in the carpark if you want but, please, at least consider it."

There was several more moments of silence as Nick mulled over the offer. Finally he shrugged and nodded slightly.

" 'K," he mumbled, still getting his head around the offer and the attention he was getting one on one from his boss.

Grissom smiled, a relieved and grateful smile this time, and pushed himself up from the lounge.

"I meant what I said when you were in the hospital, Nick. If you need me, please call me. Anytime. I want to help you get through this."

Nick kept his gaze low, overwhelmed by Grissoms consideration and empathy. He was a little disconcerted by it. He wasn't used to outward displays of emotion and affection from his mentor.

Grissom reached down and gave Nicks shoulder a gentle squeeze, "I'll drop by tomorrow and see how your counselling session went. We can figure out then when you want to go, OK."

Nick raised his head to meet Grissoms eye again, he appreciated Grissoms his confidence in him more than he could say. He nodded.

"OK." he said quietly.

Grissom squeezed his shoulder again and headed for the door.

"Uh, Gris?"

Grissom stoped and turned back to Nick, eyebrow raised in reply.

"Thankyou."

The edge of Grissoms mouth turned up in a wry smile.

"You're welcome, Nick. See you tomorrow."

**Please review. Please. Please. Please.**


	13. Chapter 13

**Finally!! A new chapter. Sorry for the delay in posting. **

CHAPTER 13

Two weeks passed by quickly.  
Nick was moving forward remarkably well, all things considered. He was attending his counselling sessions regularly and was ticking all the boxed necessary to get him back to work as soon as possible. He was still requiring sedation to help him sleep at night sans nightmares, and he was becoming less dependant on the anti-anxiety medication during the day. There were still moments when his hands would start shaking and the anxiety would increase as he tried to control the trembling, but it was resolving more quickly than in the first few days post abduction.  
His mother was close by with steadying hands which would envelope his clutched ones and hold them until the shakes subsided, or gently rub his back until the panic was controlled. As humiliating as it was to have to go through the rebuilding of his life so publicly, Nick was more grateful than he could ever put into words for his Moms support.  
But, finally, the time came for her to return home to Texas. It was just over three weeks since his rescue and Jillian could not delay her court commitments any longer. She remained desperately worried about her youngest child, but he steadfastly refused to burden her any more by going back to Texas - even temporarily.  
Nick had been preparing himself mentally for his mothers departure for several days but, when the taxi arrived to take her to the airport, he found he had to fight back tears as he hugged her farewell - clinging to her and whispering a quiet 'thank you' before promising to head back home more often. Jillian had elected to take a taxi despite Catherine's offer to drive her, suspecting Nick might need her company once she had left.  
Catherine stayed with Nick all afternoon - chatting about the 'real' world outside of Nicks townhouse and sitting through 'Meet the Fockers' - which made him laugh for the first time since he was abducted. Catherine watched the smile lines on his face return and some of the weariness disappear. She smiled and brought her arm up to gently rub at his bicep, relieved at the glimpses of the 'old Nick' shining through.  
When the movie credits finally rolled, Catherine got up and headed to the kitchen to make them both some dinner. She was surprised when Nick appeared.  
"You don't have to do this, Cath. I can just order some take out."  
Catherine rolled her eyes as she tended the pan of spaghetti sauce.  
"Its not a problem, Nick. Besides, I promised your Mom that I'd take good care of you - that means making sure you eat well. Take out is not eating well, Nicky."  
Nick ducked his head but didn't respond. Catherine shot him a sideways look when he remained quiet. Nicks head was still cast downwards, his hands clutched together tightly and his eyes squeezed shut. Dropping the stirrer against the side of the pan, Catherine went quickly to his side and rested a hand on his shoulder.  
"Hey, Sweetie." she said quietly, bending her head to try and make eye contact, "Are you OK?"  
She could feel a light tremor running through his body.  
"Nicky, you need to sit down."  
Catherine was concerned. He had been perfectly fine only twenty minutes ago, laughing along with the movie.  
Nicks head started shaking from side to side as he mumbled out his reply.  
" 'm fine, 'm 'K."  
He raised his head as he spoke and Catherine felt the shaking subside just as quickly as it had started. Just as suddenly, a light sheen of perspiration broke out over his face and he brought up an arm to swipe it away.  
He choked out a humourless chuckle and met Catherine's eyes. She noticed the weariness was back with a vengeance.  
"It's alright, Cath. Just the goddamn anxiety attacks. Been livin' with 'em a lot lately."  
His chuckle caught in his throat and his eyes glinted with pent up emotion. He took some steadying breaths, crossing his arms tightly against his chest, and closed his eyes once more to anchor him.  
Catherine sighed with helplessness.  
"Oh, Sweetie, come here." she said in almost a whisper as she tightened her hold on his shoulder and drew him into an embrace. As she held him tightly she could feel the remnants of the tremors deep within him.  
Finally his arms unfolded and came around Catherine's shoulders to reciprocate the embrace as his breathing returned to normal and the tension ebbed away.  
"Thanks, Cath." he murmured, his head still burrowed against her.  
Catherine squeezed him tightly, a hand cupped at the back of his head, before answering.  
"You're welcome, Nick."  
They pulled away and Nick ducked his head slightly in embarrassment.  
Catherine turned back to the spaghetti sauce, giving him some space and pretending not to notice.  
"Are you still going to see Kelly Gordan next week?"  
She hadn't intended to ask the question. It had just slipped out.  
Nick folded his arms again and flicked a sidewards glance at Catherine's back. He was sick of everyone asking him about it. Questioning his ability to make his own decisions.  
"Yes."  
The answer was short and firm - there would be no discussion, no talking him out of it.  
Catherine nodded and turned to face him again.  
"I'm glad Grissom's going with you." she said, meeting his eyes. "I appreciate you feel you have to do this, Nick. Just...take care of yourself, OK?"  
Nick smiled at her - a forced smile which didn't quite make it to his eyes.  
"I'll be OK, Cath. I need to do this. I'm doing this for me. No-one else."  
Catherine maintained the eye contact for a moment longer, seeing the determination within.  
"OK." she said  
She turned back to the pot of boiling water and added the spaghetti.  
"And, Cath?" he said.  
"Mmm?" she answered  
"I'm glad Gris is coming too."  
Catherine turned and smiled at him - a genuine smile full of warmth and maternal affection.  
He smiled back - a genuine smile this time too - and turned to set up his dining room table for dinner.

**A very quick chapter this time. I'll try and get some time to finish this story up over the next couple of weeks. Thanks for reading and please review.**


	14. Chapter 14

**Just to make it very, very clear - I do not own the rights to anything CSI - no characters, no existing story lines, nothing. Some of this story has been taken directly from Grave Danger - so all credit for these parts to Quentin Tarentino and CSI script writers - definitely not me. So please, don't sue me. I'm already poverty stricken! Absolutely clear? CSI - not mine.  
**

CHAPTER 14

Grissom pulled into Nicks driveway and was surprised when he came out of his house and locked the door before Grissom had even cut the engine. It was clear in Nicks body language and tense demeanour that he just wanted to go and get the visit over with. He sat heavily in the passenger seat and flicked a quick glance at Grissom as he fastened his seat belt.  
"Thanks again for doin' this, Gris."  
Grissom looked at him, taking in his tired eyes and noting the slight tremor in his hands, which had reappeared during the morning as he had waited for Grissom to arrive. Despite being acutely aware of being scrutinised, Nick steadfastly refused to meet his mentors gaze and instead concentrated on taking deep breaths and calming himself as much as possible to prepare for what was ahead.  
"Are you sure you want to do this?" asked Grissom quietly.  
Nick groaned softly and held his hands tightly together in order to at least try to minimise the shakes.  
"Yes." he answered.  
Grissom kept an eye on him a moment longer before restarting the engine and muttering "OK, let's get going, then." and reversing out of the drive.  
It was a very quiet trip.  
Nick was deep in thought the entire drive and Grissom respected his need for silence.  
Every now and then Grissom would cast a glance in his direction - Nick sat staring pensively out of the passenger side window.  
Finally, they arrived at the Women's State Penitentiary and Grissom pulled into a parking spot. He cut the engine and waited for Nick to move. It took several long moments but, eventually, Nick roused himself, scrubbed his hands across his face and grabbed his jacket from the back seat. He wrung it between his hands before reaching for the handle and opening the door. He paused a second more and Grissom could almost see the internal struggle going on inside.  
"Do you want me to come in with you?" asked Grissom quietly.  
Nick shook his head and pushed to his feet.  
"No, it's OK. I'll be OK."  
His accent was very strong. It was always a good barometer of how stressed he was.  
Grissom gave a gentle smile.  
"I'll wait out here then." said Grissom as Nick nodded in reply. He watched as the younger man closed the door and headed towards the prisons entrance. He thought about the old Nick, the Nick who had always worn his emotions on his sleeve. The Nick who had exuded the confidence of an ex-star college footballer while maintaining the vulnerability and sensitivity of his childhood. Grissom suddenly questioned whether he had made a mistake in supporting Nicks decision to go to the prison. The new Nick was even more vulnerable now - even more sensitive to pain - and the once ever-present confidence had been missing ever since they had found him, frightened and near-death, in that damned coffin.  
Grissom was out of the vehicle before his brain caught up with him.  
Nick had made the decision himself. He had had plenty of time laying in the hospital bed to think about it and had made the choice himself. He was in sound mind and had stood by his decision and defended it against a barrage of criticism. Maybe, thought Grissom, the confidence hadn't disappeared altogether. Maybe it was still there - albeit buried deep.  
"Nick." he called out. Nick was nearly at the entrance but heard him and turned around, raising his eyebrows in question - but too far away for Grissom to see.  
"Remember," he continued, "Don't take it with you, OK?"  
Nick smiled and nodded slightly.  
"Thanks, Gris." he called back and turned to head into the prison.  
Grissom watched him go, sighed deeply and went to sit and wait back in the SUV.

Nick registered at the front entrance, hands shaking so much his signature looked foreign even to him, then followed the warden into the visitors centre - taking the seat behind the glass assigned to him. He could feel the knots in his stomach tighten and squirm even more as he waited. His palms started to sweat and he grabbed his jeans, partly to dry his hands but mostly to try and control the tremors.  
Suddenly, there she was.  
The woman who was involuntarily responsible for all of the fear and pain and angst of the last month. The woman who had been a victim of unfortunate circumstances - who had ultimately caused Nick to become a victim of unfortunate circumstances as well.  
Nick felt his pulse rate increase at the sight of her and felt tears pricking at the corner of his eyes. He took a deep breath - determined to keep his emotion at bay and raised a hand in a wave - indicating to Kelly to pick up the phone so they could talk. Reluctantly, and oozing attitude, Kelly picked up the receiver.  
"You the one?" she asked matter-of-factly.  
Nick couldn't stop the choked laugh that escaped him. It hadn't been what he had expected but it certainly broke the ice.  
"Yeah," he replied, "Yeah, back at ya."  
Kelly continued to watch Nick - not sure why he had come - as she asked, "What do you want me to say? I'm sorry?"  
"Nah," said Nick, "You didn't do anything to me. And what you're Dad did...I guess its 'cos he loves you so much."  
Kelly had suddenly had enough. She had arrived expecting a guilt trip, an apology for the actions of her father and she had already planned her response - she wasn't going to take responsibility for what he had done. But when this stranger arrived and started talking about how much her father had loved her - how he had tortured and nearly killed him out of 'love' for her - she could stand it no longer. She hung up the phone in disgust. At the comment. At her father.  
"Hey, Kelly. Kelly!"  
Nick hadn't told her what he had came here to say yet.  
"Pick it up."  
The emotion in his voice was like a hook and Kelly found herself meeting his eyes. Shit. Tears. She couldn't handle guys with tears.  
Despite her better judgement, she picked up the phone again.  
Nick tried to keep it together - at least until he had said what he needed to say.  
He tried again.  
"In a few years....when you get out of here........don't take it with you." A single tear made its way down his right cheek - almost an unconscious emphasis on his words. The two sat staring at each other between the glass partition. Strangers united through fate.  
Kelly was the first to break the moment.  
"That's it?" she asked, trying to sound aloof and failing.  
Nick sighed.  
"Yeah, yeah. That's it."  
Kelly hung up the phone and glanced at Nick one last time.  
"We're done." she called out to the guard, pushing herself out of the chair and walking away.  
Nick sighed deeply again, a weight had suddenly been lifted off his shoulders despite the frustration of Kelly's brush off.  
He gave a slight chuckle and raised his eyebrows as he repeated Kelly's parting words to him.  
"That's it."  
It seemed so easy. That was it. Everything he had been through was over. That was that. Life goes on.  
Somehow, Nick suspected it wasn't going to be as easy as that. His journey would continue for many years to come.  
He wiped a hand across his nose and whispered to himself once more "That's it." - a reinforcement to himself.  
Pushing himself out of the chair, he headed to the exit.

**Please review. I really love hearing what you all think about the story. So please, if you're reading it, consider dropping a line. Even if you've never reviewed before. Please. **


	15. Chapter 15

**OK - finally another chapter is up! Sorry about taking so long to get it posted. **

CHAPTER 15

Nick wiped a hand across his face as he headed back out to the registration desk after leaving Kelly. It was over. It was finished. Done.

He was exhausted. The brief meeting had wiped him out mentally and physically.

He signed out at the desk and headed for the exit.

He felt the sun on his face as soon as he set foot outside - it was a beautiful early June day. Warm, but not hot yet. He stood still for a moment and closed his eyes, savouring the feeling. He would never take the feeling of warm sun and fresh air for granted again. He brought both hands up behind his head and lifted his face to the sky. He was free.

"Are you OK?"

The voice startled him and his eyes sprang open, his arms dropping back down to his sides.

He turned around and saw his boss standing with his back to the wall next to the entry doors. He had found he suddenly had no patience to just sit and wait in the car. He had fought the urge to go into the jail and to make sure everything was alright with Nick. Instead he had settled for waiting as close to the doors as possible without going in.

Nick smiled and Grissom noticed a lot of the tension had left his face.

"Yeah, I'm good." he replied.

Grissom barely nodded. He was watching Nick's reactions closely. Making sure his friend was really OK.

"How did it go?" he asked quietly. "Did you get to say what you needed to say?"

Nick shrugged and raised his eyebrows in question.

"Yeah, I told her. I don't know if she was listening. But I told her."

"And do you feel better for coming to see her?" Grissom asked carefully.

Nick smiled again and ducked his head a little before raising it and looking at Grissom - meeting his gaze.

"Yeah." he said, "Yeah, I do. Feels like a weight's gone, ya know. Kinda like I can move forward now."

Grissom nodded, impressed at the younger mans maturity.

"Good." he stated simply.

Nick nodded.

"Good." he replied.

Grissom pushed himself away from the wall and moved to Nick's side, bringing a protective hand to the back of Nick's neck.

"Let's go get some lunch. Are you hungry?" Grissom asked as he guided his charge back to the car.

"Yeah," replied Nick. "I'm starving." And for the first time in weeks, he genuinely meant it.

The drive back to Vegas seemed to take half the time for Grissom - the intense worry that had plagued him during the drive out had eased. It was replaced with the confidence that his young colleague would be alright - that he would recover. He glanced over at him. Nick had rested his head against the cool glass of the passenger side window and was looking at the desert scenery. It reminded him of some parts of Texas - familiar and comforting. He was exhausted - he had hardly slept the previous night - he had been too consumed with how he was going to get through the visit. He closed his eyes, soothed by the weight that had been lifted off his shoulders and the movement of the vehicle. He was asleep barely ten minutes into the journey.

Instead of going out for lunch, Grissom opted instead for a drive-thru burger and fries. Not very nutritious, he thought to himself, and certainly not his usual diet, but he guessed Nick would benefit more from sleep than food.

He pulled into Nick's driveway and waited for him to wake completely. He watched him as he scrubbed the sleep from his eyes and yawned. Sensing the eye contact, Nick cast an embarressed glance in his bosses direction and smiled.

"Sorry," he mumbled. "Tired."

Grissom looked at him a moment more.

"I'm sure you are." he replied. "Come on. Have some lunch, then get some sleep. You've done well, Nick...I'm proud of you."

Nick ducked his head, flustered at his boss' compliment.

Grissom ducked his head as well. He was feeling just as uncomfortable as Nick - but it needed to be said.

"I've always been proud of you, Nick."

Nick shot his mentor a sideways glance.

"Thanks, Griss."

Both men sat in silence a moment longer.

Finally Grissom spoke.

"Come on. The burgers are getting cold."

**As I said - a bit of a quick chapter and quite a bit of fluff but I haven't had much time of late. Please review. **


	16. Chapter 16

**I know I keep apologising for the tardiness of my postings but this time its been legitimate! I've been moving house and don't have internet access there yet. I wont get access for about another month so the next few postings (provided there are more postings - I don't really know when I'm finished until I'm done) may be a bit haphazard. Anyway, please review. I really appreciate hearing what everyone is thinking about the story. Thanks in advance.**

**Oh, and just for the record (as, again, some of this has been pulled straight from the 'Bodies in Motion' episode) I do NOT have the rights to anything CSI. It all belongs to CBS and the CSI writers etc etc. Not me. **

CHAPTER 16

Four weeks after the jail visit, life was finally getting back to normal. Nick had started back in the field and seemed relaxed and at peace with himself. The entire spirit of the team had been lifted by his return...and by the reunion of the swing and grave shifts. Grissom had watched Nick closely the first few days. He had made sure he was working with him on cases and found he was enjoying the new dimension to their friendship. Most of all, he found he enjoyed being 'one of the boys' with Nick and Warrick. They had been out for a beer after shift on Nick's first night back and had gone to breakfast several times since. He enjoyed their easy banter and their continual ribbing of each other. He especially enjoyed their company.

Grissom found that he had could easily forget about the events of the last couple of months - and was glad to be able to do so.

Then it came back to haunt him.

The entire team had been called out to a double fatality at a trailer park. One of the mobile homes had been incinerated, taking its two occupants with it. He had made sure he worked the inside of the trailer with Nick and Sara and had arrived back at the lab to start working up the evidence. As he passed the front desk, the receptionist, Judy, had called out to him and handed him a plastic bag with a mangled tape in it. He didn't need to hear her saying it was from the nursery to know what it was.

His heart rate increased as he held the bag between his fingers. His mind flashed back to almost three months ago, to when he was sitting in front of a monitor reading Nicks lips as he lay in that damned perspex coffin waiting to die and recording his most heartfelt goodbyes.

He remembered the words, he remembered the frightened resignation of defeat, and he remembered the pain in the tears that had tracked down Nick's cheeks as he apologised to Grissom for non-existant disappointments.

"Mr Grissom? Sir?"

Grissom came back to reality with a jolt. Judy was looking at him as if expecting some sort of response. He gave her a small, forced smile and tapped a finger to the plastic bag.  
"Thank you." he said and headed straight to find Archie. With luck, he thought, the tape would be beyond salvaging - taking all of its secrets with it.

It was several long hours later, when the shift had finally ended and the case had been wrapped up, that Grissom got word from Archie that he had done all he could with the tape. En route to the AV lab, he had passed by the locker room and was stopped by Nick's voice calling for his attention. Standing in the doorway, Grissom smiled to himself at how relaxed Nick looked, tying his Timberland boots and teasing Warrick good naturedly about his recent marriage.

"We're taking Warrick to the Pepper Mill to celebrate his wedding...and to condemn his elopement. You in?"

Grissom raised an eyebrow at the two men.

"Did you invite your wife?" he asked.

Warrick snorted.

"I don't think I'm ready to subject her to the crew just yet."

Grissom noticed the glance he cast at Nick. Happy to have him back but still warring with concern for his friend and plagued by irrational guilt.

Nick, unaware of the look, continuing to lace his boots and glanced up at his boss.

"So?" he asked, "You in?"

Grissom smiled at him, happy to be included.

He held up a finger and raised his eyebrows slightly at Nick again.

"Give me a minute. I've got one more thing I've got to do." he said.

A wave of paternal protectiveness washed over him as Nick pulled his laces tight and looked over his shoulder at Warrick with a grin.

Grissom headed off down the corridor to find Archie.

No matter if the tape had been rendered useless or not, Grissom's priority was crystal clear.

He would protect Nick's privacy.

He would protect Nick.

Grissom listened to the filtered audio tape. The quietly menacing threats from Walter Gordan which Nick was forced to hear. As if being buried alive wasn't horrendous enough, Grissom thought, imagine having to decide on the manner of your own demise. Death by suffocation versus death by bullet - by your own hand.

_Any way you like, you're gonna die here._

And then there it was. What Grissom had suspected.

_OK?...........PERFECT._

Another voice.

He played it back a second time and raised his eyebrows at Archie's surprise.

"How did you know it was going to be there?" Archie asked.

"If that 'OK' had been meant for Nick," answered Grissom, "it wouldn't have been in the form of a question. I think Walter Gordan' had an accomplice."

Grissom played it again.

"Male or female?" he asked.

Archie shrugged.  
"Its hard to say." he said. "The tape was pretty mangled. Enhancement and noise cancellation increase intelligibility, but alters timbre and tone. I don't know there's any more I can do here. You know, Nick recorded a message on the flip side of the tape. You think maybe we should.."

"NO!" interjected Grissom quickly then, regaining his authority, added "This is between you and me."

He thought momentarily that Archie was going to push further but, sensibly, the young AV tech remained silent - mainly because of the challenging glare that Grissom shot him.  
Nick had been on display long enough, he thought. His farewell messages would remain between the two of them.

Leaving the tape with Archie, Grissom headed out. He was going out with his guys and, right at that moment, it was more important than anything else.

**Please review. There may be another lengthy delay in getting the next chapter up - have to wait until my internet access is up and running so, apologies in advance.**


	17. Chapter 17

**A long delay again this time - apologies. Thanks to all who reviewed. I really enjoy reading your comments. And Nickyfan - a big thankyou for your continued reviews and encouragement. Much appreciated : )**

CHAPTER 17

The weeks passed by and Grissom remained in awe of Nick's recovery. He had put the prospect of an accomplice to the back of his mind. Nick's kidnapping had been a random act - to persue an accomplice would only open his wounds again. Grissom would follow through personally if any further evidence came to hand but the fewer people who knew about it the better. Nick's continued recovery was all that mattered.

Nick rarely spoke about his ordeal, other then the occassional off hand quip to Warrick or one of the uniforms. There was only one incident - which was recounted to Grissom by Sara. It had happened when he was away and the team had been investigating the disappearance of an entire family. Sara had confided in him that Nick obviously still had unresolved issues surrounding his abduction and that Grissom should exercise some caution in the cases that he was given. Without her going into specifics, she had emphasised that certain situations could potentially cause Nick to lose his cool. Grissom valued Sara's opinion - he always had - and had maintained a watchful eye over Nick but remained confident that he had dealt with his demons.

He watched as his younger colleague grew his hair long and, momentarily, housed a questionable moustache on his upper lip. But mostly, he watched as he got his life back on track.

Then Catherine walked into his office and expressed concern that the main suspect in a murder investigation that she and Nick were investigating was Kelly Gordan. While Nick appeared to be treating it as just another murder investigation, Catherine - ever the mother - was concerned that his judgement may be clouded and that he could end up getting hurt.

Grissom had called Nick into his office and spoken to him about it. He was momentarily thrown by Nick's admission that he had heard the tape, but was silently relieved that the accomplice had not only been identified but was now never able to hurt him again. He sounded relaxed about it - no big deal - but Grissom noticed the tension in his body as he sat before him.

"I'm pretty sure she had something to do with my kidnapping." Nick said, leaning back in his chair

Grissom raised his eyebrows and countered Nick's withdrawal by leaning forward.

"And now she's dead." he answered.

Nick shrugged and gave a humourless chuckle.

"Yeah." he said

Grissom pushed on.

"So...it's over."

Nick looked momantarily taken aback before regaining his pseudo relaxed composure.

"Yeah."

Grissom shrugged with his eyebrows again.

"Good" he said - a note of finality in his voice.

Nick shrugged again, bemused by his boss' clinical responses.

"Good" he answered back before pushing himself out of the chair and heading back to the lab to continue work.

Grissom watched him leave - the stiffness in his gait, the hint of self-consciousness that had plagued him in the weeks after his kidnapping. A knot of concern returned to his stomach. His guy wasn't fully healed yet. Not by a long shot.

The following two weeks passed. Nick had been a little quiet after the death of Kelly Gordan and looked more tired than he had in weeks. But he still smiled easily and was able to focus on his cases as normal.

Grissom had just finished up a long shift with him when it happened.

They had been speaking with a relative of a missing person on the eighth floor of an apartment building and were catching the elevator back to the ground floor with Brass. Nick had positioned himself at the back and the three colleagues were discussing the possible suspects in the young man's disappearance. Somewhere between floor 5 and 6, however, the elevator came to a sudden jolting stop and the lights flicked off briefly before coming back on. Grissom frowned and punched the 'Ground' button again before a flash of movement got his attention.

He heard a gutteral sound of sheer desperation as Nick pushed against his side and tried desperately to pull the doors open. He was tearing at the doors in such panic that Grissom's immediate thought was that he was going to break his fingers. He came back to his senses as he heard Jim's quiet voice.

"Hey, hey. Nick. It's alright, kiddo. Calm down."

Jim's hands were on Nick's shoulders trying to get him back from the doors.

"Gil! Give me a hand here, will ya."

Nick was on his knees by this stage, continuing to claw at the doors and with tears tracking down his cheeks as he chanted out the same mantra.  
"No,no, no, no."

**Please review. I was going to finish it up at the end of last chapter then I thought I'd just chuck in an extra piece. Tell me what you think. Please.**


	18. Chapter 18

**Thanks so much for all the reviews. I felt really bad about the long delay...and knowing there could be another couple of weeks pass before the next chapter , I figured I'd shoot off another chapter this time really quickly. **

"No,no, no, no, no..."

Nick's mantra was barely audible as his breath hitched in panicked bursts in his throat. Jim was kneeling next to him, talking softly to him and resting a gentle hand on the back of his neck. Grissom picked up the elevator telephone and waited a heartbeat before a disembodied ladies voice sounded through the speaker.

"What elevator number are you in?" the voice asked

Grissom peered at the small sticker above the phone.

"3B." he answered. "Ma'am, we have a situation here. Can I get an estimation on how long we'll be stuck here, please."

"What's your situation, Sir?" the voice asked.

"An acute panic attack." Grissom replied softly.

"I'm sorry, sir. I can't give you an estimation at this time but we will have you out as soon as we possibly can. You need to remain calm, sir. Help is on it's way and I can assure you the lift is safe and secure in the meantime."

Jim cussed under his breath and pushed himself upright, taking the phone out of Grissom's hand and barking orders down the phone.

"Lady, this is Captain Jim Brass with the LVPD. You get on that horn and get us the hell out of this elevator right now!"

"I'm sorry, sir, but help is already on its way and we'll have you out as soon as we can, but there will be a small delay while we wait for the fire department."

"I don't care who you have to wait for! Just get us the hell out of here. Now!"  
Grissom turned his attention to Nick while Jim continued to argue. He had calmed down enough to rest his head against the cool metal doors but had his eyes jammed so tightly shut that it looked painful and his breathing was a mile away from being calm. His body was shivering with tremors and he was still whispering the mantra over and over. Grissom knealt down next to him and rested a hand on his shoulder.

"Nick?"

No response.

"Nick, look at me." His voice was calm. In control.

After a moments hesitation, two brown, frightened eyes opened just enough to meet Grissoms concerned gaze.

"This is not the same. OK? You're alright. We're here with you. There's plenty of air. The doors will be opening soon and we'll be getting out. We just have to wait it out, OK? That's all. We'll just wait it out." Grissom talked softly to him. Loud enough to be heard but soft enough so as not to add to his anxiety. Jim had finally stopped berating the woman on the end of the phone line and, without the raised voices, Nick appeared to calm a little further.

Grissom maintained eye contact with him as he nodded his head to the back of the lift.

"How about we go sit back here while we wait, OK? We'll sit back from the doors and give them room to open them when they come to get us out. OK?"

Nick barely nodded and murmured out an " 'K." as he pulled himself up onto shaky legs. Grissom kept a protective hand on his shoulder as he walked to the back wall with him. He could still feel the tremors running through his body. Every muscle in his body was tense. He heard a noise in Nick's throat and tightened his grip as panic rose again. Nick hit out at the back wall and ran both hands through his hair trying hard to keep it together. Grissom could feel the dampness of sweat starting to soak through Nick's shirt and could feel his shoulders starting to heave with panicked breaths again.

"Nick, it's alright." Grissom could feel the fear radiating off him.

But Nick was fighting a losing battle. He slammed into the back of the wall and slid slowly to the floor, bringing his knees up to rest his elbows on and bringing his hands up to cover his face - his fingers clenching and unclenching handfuls of hair, his breath coming in useless sobbing hitches.

"I need to get out, Gris. I can't do this." His voice was pleading.

Grissom sank down on the floor beside him as Brass did the same on the other side. He watched as Nick struggled to remain calm. But the battle was soon lost and Nick surged forward again, his hands reaching for the door as he shouted out for help.

Brass and Grissom exchanged a worried glance and both pushed up from the floor.

"Nick..." Grissom started - but he didn't get a chance to finish.

Nick brought his hand up and started punching the cold metal doors.

"Hey!" shouted Brass, and moved behind him to pin his arms tightly to his chest. "Hey, none of that, pal. You'll break your hand."

He pulled him back with gentle force and sat him down heavily in his previous spot. The hands returned to their clawing of his hair and Brass frowned at the spreading red mark making its way along his knuckles.

Grissom moved to kneel directly in front of Nick, blocking his view of the cold, grey doors.

"Nick, you need to stay calm. You'll hurt yourself if you don't. OK. We're safe. They know where we are and they're coming to get us out. Alright? Slow your breathing down and close your eyes. Take yourself back to your safe place, OK?" Grissom was suddenly overwhelmingly relieved that he had investigated the techniques the psychologist had taught Nick. He barely heard the muffled voice through the hands.

" 's not over."

Grissom frowned. Then the hands moved and he saw two tired brown eyes looking straight at him - defeat etched clearly in them.

"It'll never be over. Even now she's dead."

Grissom kept the eye contact. This was the new Nick, he realised. The once unyielding confidence that he had exuded only 6 months ago - the confidence that everything would work out and life would always be good, was dented. Now there was the everpresent insecurity. The resignation that his life had changed forever and he would never be the same again.

Grissom gave a tiny, almost imperceptible, nod.

"It will get better, Nick..."  
"How do you know?" asked Nick desperately. "How do you know it won't be like this all the time? Forever? I still can't sleep right, Gris. I think about it all the time. I still get the shakes. I can't stand enclosed spaces and...I REALLY NEED TO GET OUT OF HERE!" His voice got faster and louder the longer he spoke and the agitation was growing again.

Grissom didn't know what he could say to that. He didn't want to just placate him and - hell, who really knew if it would get easier. He sighed deeply and offered all he could.

"It'll be OK, Nick. We'll make sure of it."

And he brought his hand to the back of Nick's neck and drew him forward giving him an awkward, but nonetheless, heartfelt hug.

**Please review. I know I sound like a broken record, but I really do appreciate it. A lot. **


	19. Chapter 19

**Thanks again for the great feedback. Next chapter up....**

The hug was brief and awkward. Grissom pulled Nick towards him and felt the momentary flinch away as he pulled him into the embrace. It was further evidence that Nick was a changed man. It was evidence that they were both changed men.

Grissom hugged him just long enough to feel him relax a little - although the shakes were still evident - then pulled back. The anxiety in the younger man was still obvious but he seemed more in control. He collapsed back against the wall and ran shaking hands through his hair. Grissom sat back next to him on one side and Jim mirrored him by sitting on the other. Jim brought a hand up and ruffled Nicks hair slightly giving him a reassuring, tight smile.

And they waited.

Grissom and Jim took it in turns to initiate conversation on any topics that came to mind - anything to keep Nick's mind off their situation. Nick contributed very little - he was too consumed with trying to keep it together.

Although it seemed much longer, it was only about 10 minutes later when there was a slight shudder of the elevator car (enough to make Nick's head swing up to the ceiling in terror) and it started moving back down towards the ground floor.  
Nick was on his feet in an instant and out the door as soon as they opened with a sound between a sob and a groan. He pushed past the fire officer who was waiting to make sure they were alright and stumbled to the chairs in the foyer, collapsing heavily in one and dropping his head down into his hands.

Grissom and Brass pushed themselves up off the floor, both grimacing and throwing each other pained smiles.

"I'm too damn old for sitting on the ground." mumbled Jim with a chuckle then, looking out at Nick, added "I'm glad that's over."

Grissom gave a short nod.

"You guys OK?" asked the fire fighter in a thick Southern accent.

"Yeah, yeah. We're fine." answered Jim as he finally stepped out of the elevator.

The fire officer nodded in Nick's direction.

"Looks like your friend over there's pretty glad to be out."

Grissom looked at Nicks hunched figure - his shoulders slumped forward, his face buried in his hands and his fingers clenching and unclenching fist-fulls of hair. He was getting looks from some of the by-standers - some concerned, some amused.

Grissom frowned and walked over to stand in front of Nick - trying to shield him, even a little, from the prying eyes of strangers. He was a mess. His whole body succumbing yet again to the shakes, his shirt drenched around his neck and armpits, and sweat beading about his face, dried tear tracks from his earlier panic attacks still staining his cheeks. Grissom reached out a hand to grip Nick's bicep, encouraging him to his feet.

"Come on, pal. We'll find a bathroom and you can clean yourself up a little. It'll make you feel better."

Nick got to his feet but did not make eye contact with his boss as he muttered, "Yeah, better. 'cos it's over."

Grissom frowned and paused at the comment but decided to let it slide.

Instead, he walked Nick through the foyer, keeping a supportive hand on his back, until they found the Mens Room. Nick ran the water and splashed several handfuls over his face. He looked up at his reflection in the bathroom mirror and barley recognised the man looking back at him. He looked like hell. Finally, he rested both hands on the sides of the basin and dropped his head down, eyes closed. He sighed heavily. Grissom watched out of the corner of his eyes, busying himself with washing his own hands and drying them thoroughly with paper towel.

Nick took several deep breaths. He was terribly pale and he was breaking out in a fresh sheen of sweat.

Grissom frowned again and asked "Nick? Are you..." but before he could finish, Nick bolted to a cubicle and Grissom grimaced as he heard the wretching start. He waited several moments to give Nick's stomach time to settle before he took some paper towel from the recepticle, wet it and pushed open the cubicle door enough to lean through and hand the damp towel to Nick. He stood at the door and watched as Nick dragged the paper towel across his face and pushed himself gingerly to his feet - a shaky hand flushing the toilet as he stood.

He walked slowly back to the basin and splashed more water over his face, finally breaking after several moments and folding into the basin, elbows perched on the edges of the porcelain and his head falling into his open hands. Sounds of painful sobs started and Grissom hung his head and walked to the door, turning the lock to give Nick some privacy.

Nick brought his hands down hard, slamming them into the porcelain.

"It's not over, Grissom!" he cried. "It'll never be over!"

"Nick..."

Nick swung around to meet his eyes. There was an intensity in them that Grissom didn't know how to interpret.

"It is **not** over!!"

Grissom dropped his head again for a moment before bringing it up sharply - this time there was an intensity in his gaze that matched his young colleagues.

"It's not ov..."  
"Nick!!!" Grissom barked. Nick was stopped in his tracks as effectively as if he had been slapped across the face.

"Listen to me!!" he continued. "I'm sorry I said it was over. I'm sorry I said it. It was a mistake. I'm not faultless, Nick. I have flaws. I'm human. It's not over for you. But you can survive this."

Nick looked at him, dumbfounded.

"I'm sorry, Nick." Grissom said again and moved to stand in front of him. "I'm sorry."

Nick held Grissom's stare and nodded almost imperceptibly.

"You still need help to get through this, Nick. Don't bury your feelings away, OK. Come to me when you need help. Or Catherine. Or Warrick. Come to any one of us. OK? Don't try and be a superman, Nick."

"Thanks, Gris." he murmured, so quietly it was barely above a whisper.

Grissom smiled gently. The subconscious shakes were still there, but he seemed much calmer now. He lay a hand on Nick's shoulder.

"Come on, pal."

Nick walked out with Grissom, ignoring the looks he was still getting. They paused only briefly as they passed Jim - who had been waiting for them in the foyer - and the three of them headed out to their vehicles.

It had been a long day. It was time to go home.

**Please feedback your thoughts. I really love hearing what you think. Good, bad, indifferent - love it all. Many thanks in advance. **


	20. Chapter 20

**Another chapter up. If you're getting sick of the story please let me know. Nickyfan - here's a bit of Catherine/Nick comfort for you. Hope you like it. **

CHAPTER 20

Grissom, Nick and Jim arrived back at the lab and headed straight to the locker room to collect their gear. Their plan was simple - to grab their belongings and to go home and to forget that the last few hours even happened. Nick was humiliated. Grissom was tired and wanted nothing more than to go home, take a shower and go to bed. Jim was looking forward to heading to his office for a quiet scotch before finishing up his paperwork and getting the hell out of there.

Things didn't quite go to plan, however.

They had barely got through the door to the lab when they were accosted by Catherine in the hallway.

"Gil?! Where the hell have you been?!" she demanded. "I've been trying to call you for the last hour! McKeen is on the warpath about the Kearny case. The defence is pushing to go to trial."

Grissom rolled his eyes and sighed.

"I've already been through this with him today." he complained.

Jim chuckled and slapped Grissom lightly on the back.

"Good luck with that Gil. I'm goin' home." he laughed as he headed down the corridor to his office.

Nick remained quietly to one side, head bowed and clearly not listening to anything that was being said. It was obvious that his mind was on other things.

Catherine glanced in his direction, frowning slightly when she finally registered the state of him. Face pale, sweat stains on his shirt, hair ruffled.

She cast a quick, concerned look at Grissom before going to stand in front of Nick, bringing a hand to his forehead.

"Nicky?" she asked gently.

Nick raised his head but could not meet her eyes. He still had a slight tremor in his hands and his embarrassment was still clearly evident. Catherine removed her hand from his forehead and reached to grip his fore arm instead.

"Honey, what's happened?" she asked as Nick's head dropped back down. He shook his head but didn't speak, instead he pulled back and headed into the locker room.

Catherine moved immediately to follow but Grissom dropped a hand to her arm to stop her. She spun around and glared at him.

"We got stuck in an elevator." stated Grissom bluntly.

Catherine closed her eyes for a brief second before bringing her hand up cover her eyes.

"Oh no." she whispered almost to herself. She was not particularly fond of elevators herself and could only imagine how Nick had responded to being trapped again.

"Bad?" she asked quietly.

Grissom gave a wry smile.

"Not good." he replied.

Catherine gestured to the locker room.  
"Should I?" she asked.

Grissom smiled gently and nodded.

"I'll go talk to McKeen again. Can you stay with him? I'll be back as soon as I can."

Catherine nodded.

"He'll be OK. Go. Talk to McKeen."

Grissom grimaced and headed down the corridor to find the Undersherriff.

Catherine stood at the entrance to the locker room and watched as Nick slowly, almost as if in a daze, gathered his belongings from his open locker. She knocked softly on the locker room door and smiled at him sympathetically when he turned to face her.

"Are you OK?" she asked.

Nick gave her a forced smile, slammed the locker door shut and at heavily on the bench, dropping his head into his hands.

Catherine closed the door softly and went to sit next to him. She rested a hand on his back and rubbed gentle circles between his shoulder blades. She could feel his breathing, deep and trying desperately to remain controlled.

"Grissom told you?"

His voice was muffled by his hands and strained by the underlying emotion.

"He said you guys were trapped in an elevator." she replied.

"That all?" he mumbled.

Catherine frowned in confusion.

"Is there more?" she asked casually.

Nick dragged his hands away from his face and swung his head up to look at her straight in the eye.

"I lost it Cath. Panicked. I really, really needed to get out of there."

Catherine took her hand away from his back and brought it up to rest against the side of his face instead.

"Sweetie, it OK. You were with Grissom and Jim. They're not going to tell anyone."  
Nick snorted and his eyes welled again.

"I don't care about that, Cath." he started, then shrugged a little before continuing, "Well, yeah, I do care a little. But, Cath....I don't think I can go in an elevator again. I feel sick even thinkin' 'bout it. I don't know if I can do anythin' anymore. There's small spaces everywhere and I....I don' know if I can...I don' know if...." lost for any further words he simply shrugged and dropped his head back down into his hands again.

Catherine sighed and rested her hand on the back of his head.

"Oh, Nick." she said in a voice not much over a whisper, "It'll be alright."

She felt the muscles of his back tense and heard his breathing finally lose its battle for control.

The door opened briefly - long enough for Greg to stop in his tracks, take in the image of a distraught Nick being comforted and a quick, irritated glare from Catheirne accompanied with a short flick of her head - clearly an order to give them some privacy. He obliged - backing out of the locker room and closing the door behind him.

Nick didn't seem to even notice the interruption.

"I can't do this anymore, Cath." he cried.

Catherine wrapped her arms protectively around him and the two sat in silence for several long moments.

Finally she heard his breathing settle and felt him relax a little and pull away. She watched him as a he ran an embarressed hand across his face and sat forward again with his head hung low.

"We need to get you set up with some counselling again, Nick. Just to get you through." she said gently.

Nick groaned before she had even finished. When he spoke his accent was so thick Catherine nearly needed an interpreter.

"Cath, I don' wanna go back to therapy." he whined, scrubbing his face with tiredness.

"It'll only be for a little while, Nick. Just to help you get some control back. You can't go through the rest of your life without using an elevator again."

Nick shot Catherine a sideways glance. He was obviously not convinced.

Catherine smiled at him.

"It's just a setback Nick."

Nick dropped his head down again and nodded.

"Nick. It's just a setback. You can get through this. You've done the hard part." Catherine said, a protective arm still around Nick's shoulders, "A counsellor will be able to help you through these challenges better than we can. We can support you but they can give you strategies to deal with situations like you had to face today."

Nick put his head into his hands again and continued to look down at the floor.

"Hey." Catherine said, giving his shoulder a one handed rub.

Nick dragged his eyes up to meet Catherines. Defeat was still evident on his face.

Catherine studied him with concern for a heartbeat before offering him a small smile.

"It'll be OK, sweetie." she almost whispered.

Nick gave her a wan smile and nodded.

There was a light knock on the door and Grissom's head poked around the corner. He smiled at them both and raised his eyebrows at Nick.

"Everything alright?" he asked lightly.

Catherine rubbed Nick's back quickly once more and stood up.

"We're good." stated Catherine simply.

"Good." replied Grissom then added, looking at Nick. "Time to go home. Come on, I'll drive you."

Nick shook his head and dropped it back down.

"Nah, Grissom. I'm good. I can drive."

Grissom glanced at Catherine who shrugged.

"I know you can, Nick. Just humour me though, OK?"

Nick rolled his eyes and dragged himself to his feet. He grabbed his bag and headed for the door.

"Fine." he mumbled as he headed past Grissom and out into the corridor.

Grissom caught Catherine's eye and frowned at the sudden hostility.

Catherine shrugged and waved them off.

**As always - please review. Not long to go now I think!**


	21. Chapter 21

**A bit of a short chapter this time but hopefully not long until the next chapter.**

CHAPTER 21

Nick walked down the corridor, head hung low and tuned out to the hustle and bustle of the lab. He was having a hard time adjusting to the fluctuating moods again. They had been difficult enough to cope with the first time around when he had just been released from hospital. He thought that was all behind him but, again, one minute he was in control and the next he was full of anger and hostility. It was as if seeing Kelly Gordan had reignited all of the old anxieties and fears that had plagued him in the early stages of his recovery.

He made his way into the carpark and sat heavily on the concrete step to wait for Grissom. He momentarily thought about ignoring his boss and driving himself home. He knew that Grissom would be talking to Catherine and both would be planning the next step in his recovery for him. He was sick of being treated like a kid and even more immasculated with being treated as a victim.

But ignoring his boss would mean more explaining of his actions and his mindset. And he couldn't be bothered with that either.

So, he waited.

He played the events of the day through his head, stopping and replaying the most excrutiating parts over and over again. The more he thought about them, the more agitated he became. With the agitation came the shakes - reawakening with avengance. And yet, still, the recent memories replayed in his brain.

He felt sick. He felt dizzy. He felt sweaty again. He could feel his heart pounding in his chest and it scared him. His chest ached. Was he having a heart attack? Was this what it felt like to have a heart attack? Was he going to die? He didn't want to die!

A hand on his shoulder made him jump and swing an arm around in a defensive punch.

Grissom leapt back, his hands held up in surrender.

Nick cursed under his breath and stared up at Grissom - his eyes were radiating fear and sweat was beading around his forehead.

"Sorry, Nick."

Grissom's eyebrows were raised as he watched his young colleague - concern evident on his face. It was clear.

His guy needed help.

Now.  
He had spoken to Catherine in the locker room and they had discussed the need to get Nick professional support and quickly. They had agreed to meet together with Nick the following day to work out a strategy for discreet management of his anxiety. As Grissom stared at him, however, he wondered if that was soon enough.

"Nick?" Grissom asked quietly.

"Gris...." Nick grabbed his shirt in a fist over his chest, his breathing was fast - as if he'd just run a marathon. "Grissom..."

His voice was pleading for help.

Grissom knealt in front of him and reached a hand to his forehead. He maintained eye contact with him as his other hand reached for his cell phone. He held down a number and, thanks to the beauty of speed-dial, called Albert Robbins.

After a very brief and one-sided conversation, Grissom ended the call and turned his full attention back to Nick.

His eyes were closed tightly now and his breathing had turned into pants. He tried to push himself up but Grissom's hands held him back.

"Just sit, Nick. Slow your breathing down and just sit, OK. You're alright. You're OK." Grissom spoke with quiet authority.

"Griss....heart 'ttack....ches'...." fear was clear in his voice.

Grissom brought both hands up to hold either side of Nick's face - one pinky finger resting on Nick's carotid artery in his neck, measuring the racing pulse beneath. He was starting to get really worried.

"Nick, it's OK. Doc Robbins is on his way. I think it's a panic attack but we'll get you checked out, OK. Just concentrate on slowing down your breathing. It alright."

Nick's hands continued to claw at the fabric of his shirt as his eyes suddenly snapped open and he tried once again to push himself to his feet. Again, he was held back.

The doors to the carpark flew open and Doc Robbins came to an abrupt halt as he barrelled through followed closely by Catherine. He lowered himself down awkwardly to Nick's level and moved himself right in front of his patient as soon as Grissom moved out of his way.

Grissom stood and went to stand next to Catherine.

"What happened?" asked Catherine quietly - still edgy from Doc's call out to her from the hallway as he hurried past.

Grissom shrugged and ran an exhausted hand across his face. He filled her in briefly about what had happened when he'd found him.

They both stood in worried silence as the doctor assessed Nick. He took a sphygnomanometer from his kit and took Nick's blood pressure, talking to him softly all the time. Nick was still in obvious pain but his acute panic seemed to ease ever so slightly.

Doc Robbins held steadying fingers to Nick's neck and felt his pulse before pulling out a stethoscope and listening to his heartbeat manually.

Wailing sirens could be heard getting louder and louder until, finally, an amulance entered the carpark and pulled up close by.

Nick's anxiety increased as two paramedics got out of the ambulance and knealt next to Nick and doc Robbins. The doctor filled the paramedics in on Nick's condition and offered a few quiet words of comfort to his patient before he pushed himself back up onto his feet and moved to Grissom and Catherine.

"He'll be OK." he said simply. "It's a panic attack but we'll get him to the emergency room and run some cardiac enzymes on him just to rule out a coronary event. The paramedics will do an EKG when they load him into the ambulance, but I'm almost 100% certain they'll come back clean."

"Thankyou, Albert." said Grissom. "I'll go with him to the hospital."

Doc Robbins nodded and looked grim.

"Keep me posted." he said before turning back to the paramedics and collecting his gear.

Nicks eyes were still closed but not as tightly as before and his breathing was easing up even more.

One of the paramedics headed back to the ambulance and unloaded a stretcher and the two men manouvered Nick onto it and loaded him into the back of the vehicle.

Grissom glanced at Catherine and shrugged.

"Meet you at Desert Palms?" he asked

Catherine nodded.

"I'll be on your tail." she said as she followed the doctor back into the lab to get her bag and keys.

"You're with us?" asked one of the medics.

Grissom nodded and climbed into the back of the ambulance.

**Please review. I know I ask everytime and thank you so much to all those who take up the challenge of providing feedback. It gives me the oomph to keep going : )**


	22. Chapter 22

**Thanks to everyone for taking the time to review. Its always much appreciated. New chapter up...**

CHAPTER 22

Grissom climbed into the back of the ambulance and tried to keep out of the way of the paramedic who was working over Nick, hooking him up to a 12 lead cardiac monitor and an automatic blood pressure cuff. He took a baseline blood pressure reading then printed out the EKG readings on graph paper to include in his file. Once the EKG was printed, the paramedic called out to his partner and the ambulance pulled away.

Nick had an iv canula in the back of one hand and Grissom figured they must have already given him a sedative of some sort as he appeared barely awake.

The paramedic turned to Grissom as he started filling out the retrieval forms documenting the nature of the emergency and relevent information. He provided as much medical history information about Nick as he could as well as details from the last few hours. He found that the ride to the hospital was over relatively quickly.

Nick was wheeled into the emergency room and Grissom was content to leave him in the capable hands of the medical staff. He was escorted into the emergency room waiting area and sat in silence, watching patients and family members come and go. How different, he thought, to all those months ago when he and the rest of the team had waited for news of Nick. The waiting area then had been packed with CSI colleagues, police and two anxiety riddled parents.

This time, however, it was just Grissom.

At least for a start.

Catherine arrived only 15 minutes after Grissom.

She walked into the emergency room all business. A confident stride a legacy of years working crime scenes. Worry etched on her face the legacy of both being a mother and a concerned friend.

Her eyes scanned the room as soon as she arrived and focused on Grissom immediately.

"No news yet." he said, anticipating her unsaid question. "But he had calmed down by the time we arrived."

Catherine took the seat next to him and they chatted quietly while they waited.

After what seemed like an eternity, a tall female doctor in a pristine white coat and stethoscope hanging around her neck arrived and called for Nick's next of kin.

Grissom and Catherine followed her into a small room and listened as the doctor filled them in on Nick's condition.

"Mr Grissom, Ms Willows, I've examined Mr Stokes and read his past medical history." she started, "His inital cardiac enzymes have come back clear and his EKG is normal, so we've ruled out an MI. He had intravenous lorazepam enroute which settled him nicely and I'll send him home on oral paroxetine. His psychologist will have to review his medications as he progresses. He's asleep at the moment but I'm happy for him to be released when he wakes. Has he got someone at home to look after him tonight?"

Catherine started shaking her head, hopeful that they would admit him overnight if they thought he had to go home to an empty house but, before she could voice her concerns, she heard Grissom's voice.

"I'll stay with him."

Catherine flicked Grissom a surprised glance but he didn't respond.

The doctor nodded and continued.

"He'll need support over the next few days. No work for at least a week - preferably more - and I read he was due to start intensive counselling after his last discharge from Desert Palms. I strongly advise he recommences therapy to manage his ongoing anxiety." she said.

Grissom was nodding, obviously taking mental notes for his next few days as carer.

"If you have any further concerns about Mr Stokes' health over the next few days, bring him back into emergency and we can admit him for assessment, but I'm confident that with a combination of the counselling and lorazepam he'll be fine. Have you got any questions for me?"

"No doctor." said Grissom "Thankyou."

The doctor nodded at him.

"He should be awake soon and I'm sure he'll be more than ready to go home."

Grissom and Catherine both thanked her again and took a seat in the smaller waiting room.

"Will you be OK with him?" Catherine asked.

Grissom nodded and gave a small grin.

"We'll be fine." He was surprised at how confident he felt. He would be alright. Nick would be alright. They'd be fine.

It was almost an hour until the door to the waiting room opened and the doctor reappeared.

Catherine had called home to make arrangements for her Mom to pick Lindsay up from a study group.

Grissom had needed to make arrangements too. He flicked open his cell and pressed speed dial.

"This is Sara Sidle," said the voicemail message, "I'm not able to take your call at the moment. If you leave your name and number, I'll return your call as soon as possible. BEEEEEP"

Grissom smiled. He could listen to her voice forever. As horrific as the night had been when Nick had vanished, one good thing had come from it. He had finally realised his true love for Sara and they had been together ever since.

"Hey, it's me. There's been a change of plan. I'm at the hospital with Nick. He's OK, but I'll be staying with him tonight. I'll try and call you later." he ended the call and sat back in the chair next to Catherine. She gave him a sideways glance but the doctor's reappearance silenced any questions she had.

"Mr Stokes is awake and ready to be discharged. If you'd like to come through, I'll take you to his cubicle and you can take him home." the doctor said.

"Thankyou." said Grissom and he followed both the doctor and Catherine through the busy emergency department to a large room with numerous cubicles curtained off from each other. They were directed to the furtherest curtain and, on entering, found Nick sitting in a chair pulling on his boots and fumbling with the laces. He had clearly just woken from a deep sleep - his hair was ruffled and tiredness was clearly evident on his face and in his eyes.

Catherine went immediately to him and knealt down to help him with his laces. Nick mumbled a protest but Catherine shushed him and continued regardless. He looked as if he could barely keep his head up. Catherine finished his laces and stood as Nick scrubbed his hands over his face in a failed attempt to clear his fuzzy head.  
With a deep sigh he dropped his hands to the edges of the seat and pushed himself unsteadily up. He swayed briefly and accepted a steadying arm from Catherine. For a moment he thought he might pass out and jammed his eyes closed to stop the world moving.

"Do you need to sit down again?" asked Catherine concerned.

He shook his head stubbornly and slowly opened his eyes a crack.

He took a couple of steadying breaths and tried a few steps. He clung onto Catherine's hand when she slid it into his and shuffled to the exit. Grissom smiled at his tenaciousness and followed. The going was slow but they finally made it out to the carpark and they bundled Nick into the back seat of Catherine's SUV hopeful that he would drift back off to sleep.

Catherine drove back to the lab so that Grissom could pick up his own SUV before they drove in convoy back to Nick's house.

As they had hoped, Nick dozed on and off all the way.

They got Nick inside his house and he shuffled off to bed almost immediately.

Catherine and Grissom made themselves a coffee and planned the next day. Catherine would come back in the morning and relieve Grissom, who would head into work and organise the shift and speak with Ecklie. Catherine would take Nick to the psychologists appointment.

They agreed not to tell anyone else at the lab about Nick, other than Warrick.

With their plan sorted and their coffee finished, Catherine helped Grissom find spare blankets and a pillow and left him to set up the sofa as a bed for the night while she headed home.

Grissom checked on Nick, who was sleeping soundly - mainly medicinally induced he suspected, and settled in for some much needed sleep himself.

It had been one hell of a day.

**Thanks for reading. Any comments will be gratefully received : ) Do I sound like a broken record?**


	23. Chapter 23

**OK. This is a chapter just for me - sorry. I really like the Grissom/Nick father/son angle. I never really knew why Grissom was so hostile towards Nick in the early episodes. Anyway, despite being completely selfish, I do hope there are others who read it who enjoy this angle as well. **

CHAPTER 23

It was a fitful night of sleep for Grissom. Several times he had heard noises and had got up and checked on Nick. Each time, however, he had found him in the same position - sprawled on his stomach, head buried in soft pillows and covers heaped over him. Very faint snores kept Grissom content that all was well.

It was nearly four o'clock when Grissom was roused from his light slumber by yet another sound. Only this time when he woke enough to register his surroundings, he saw a light on in the kitchen. It was the sound of a kettle boiling that had woken him. In the weak light from the cut in kitchen, he heard movement and saw Nick perch himself on a stool at the breakfast bar, a steaming mug wrapped in his hands.

Grissom pushed himself to his feet, grimacing at the twinge of his back, and made his way out to his colleague.

Nick looked up from his mug and gave Grissom an embarrassed half smile.

"Do you mind if I join you?" Grissom asked.

Nick shook his head and ducked it to look at the bench.

Grissom glanced at him and frowned slightly before turning to pour himself a mug of coffee. A bad idea for sleep, he thought dimly but, he didn't think it would matter much - he had a feeling sleep would be just as illusive as it had been for the previous few hours.

"Sorry 'bout wakin' you." Nick mumbled.

Grissom stirred his coffee and came to take a seat on the stool next to him.

"Don't be sorry." he said, "I don't think I was really asleep anyway."

"Yeah. Sorry you got stuck sleepin' over tonight. I'd'a been OK to stay by myself ya know." Nick said.

Grissom looked sideways at him but Nick continued to stare at the mug clenched tightly in his hands.

"Stop apologising, Nick." he said simply. "It's OK."

Nick shook his head slightly from side to side.

"Everyone keeps sayin' that it's OK. I'm not OK, Gris. I don't know what OK is anymore."  
He brought two fingers up to dig into his eye sockets. He looked exhausted. As bad as Grissom felt, he knew he had nothing on Nick.

Grissom studied him for several moments in silence - watched as he ground his fingers into his eyes. He didn't need platitudes. He didn't need empty words dangling in the air. He needed hope and guidance.

"Do you trust me, Nick?" he asked quietly.

Nick stopped rubbing his eyes and dropped his hands down onto the counter. He looked at Grissom in confusion.

"Huh?" he asked in surprise.

Grissom caught his stare and asked again.

"Do you trust me?"

Nick gave a slight shrug - bewildered by the question.

"Yeah," he answered, "Of course."

Grissom kept the eye contact.

"OK." he said slowly, picking his words carefully, "Trust me now, Nick. More than ever, trust me now. You will be OK. You may not feel OK at the moment but I give you my word that you will be OK. I will make sure of it. Catherine will make sure of it. Warrick will make sure of it. You don't have to go through this on your own. When you don't feel OK you need to talk to us. Let us help you."

Nick frowned slightly and broke the eye contact, dropping his gaze back down to the counter top.

"I know that's difficult for you, Nick. I know you don't like asking for help but..."  
"I don't want to be a victim." Nick said suddenly, cutting off Grissom mid sentence.

Grissom frowned and listened as Nick continued.

"I'm sick of feeling weak, Gris. I'm sick of people treating me like I'm going to break. I'm sick of the sympathetic stares. I'm sick of giving them reasons to do all that. I want my old life back, Gris. I want to be me again." His voice became louder and more passionate as he spoke.

Grissom nodded and wrapped his hands around the mug of cooling coffee. There was silence between them for several long seconds while both digested Nick's comments.

"For the record, Nick, no-one thinks you're weak."

Nick gave him a sideways glance - scepticism clear on his face.

"Grissom. C'mon. I've seen people staring at me. I've heard them talking about me."

"Have you ever heard any of them call you weak? If people are staring at you, Nick, it isn't out of pity. It's awe. It's respect that you could survive an experience like that and still function. I've heard people talk too, Nick. I've heard people questioning how and if they would have the mental fortitude to survive what you survived. Yes, it's pushed you to the limit. Yes, it's been more difficult than anything you've had to face before. Yes, it's changed all of us. But you survived. And if you survived that 24 hours by yourself, then you can survive anything - especially with the help of your friends. We're all proud of you, Nick. I'm prouder than I can put into words. And you justify that pride every day. Every day you get out of bed and face the world...you justify that pride."

Grissom finished his spiel and raised his eyebrows at Nick in a silent challenge for him to argue. Nick didn't argue though. Instead he gave a ghost of a smile and looked at his mug of coffee, swirling the remains of the now cold coffee and sculling it in one swig.

Grissom smiled and sipped his drink.

"I've got to restart my counselling sessions today." Nick said, a new confidence already evident in his voice.

Grissom nodded.  
"Catherine is going to take you to the appointment." said Grissom. "I'll stay over again tomorrow night then we'll play it by ear."

Nick nodded, resigned to the lack of independence. Truth be known, he found it almost a relief not to have to think about the basics. At least for a while.

Grissom took another couple of sips of his barely warm coffee and, grimacing at the taste, got up and tossed the remains down the drain.

Nick stood as well and rinsed his mug out before leaving it to drain. He tried to yawn discreetly but failed.

Grissom smiled again and slapped him gently on the back.

"I'm going to try and get another hour or two of sleep." he said glancing at his watch. "Why don't you see if you can get back to sleep too, Nick."  
Nick rubbed his eyes tiredly again and nodded. Despite the early morning caffeine hit, he could still barely keep his eyes open.

"Night, Gris. And thanks again."

"Anytime, Nick. Sleep well."

**Broken record alert. Please review. Please. **


	24. Chapter 24

**OK, firstly - final chapter's up! Secondly, sorry for the delay in posting - particularly to those who have been so patiently waiting for the next chapter. Thirdly, thanks for all the great reviews of this story - sorry to Nicky for not updating sooner and a big thank you to kraven for reviewing even before the final chapter! LOL. I had to finally wrap this story up. Anyway - please, read on....**

GRAVE DANGER 24

Grissom was up early the next morning, having succeeded in only getting snippets of broken sleep for the rest of the night. He had mostly remained awake, tossing and turning, listening to unfamiliar sounds of an unfamiliar house. He had heard Nick on a couple of occassions but he had resettled back into sleep by the time Grissom had gotten up to check on him.

He prepared himself coffee and cereal for breakfast and settled back on the sofa with an old newspaper he had found on Nick's kitchen table. It was several days old but filled in the time nicely until Catherine arrived.

Grissom and Catherine chatted over another cup of coffee before he finally tidied up the sofa and headed home.

There had been no sight nor sound from Nick, so Catherine knocked quietly on his bedroom door before opening it a fraction and popping her head inside. She smiled to herself. He was spread out over the bed wearing long, printed pyjama pants and a T-shirt, bed covers tossed about, his head lost under a pillow. He was clearly still in a deep sleep.

Catherine made her way back out to the living area to wait until he woke. She picked a book off a shelf and settled on the sofa.

It was almost two hours later when Catherine finally heard movement coming from Nick's room, followed shortly afterwards by the door opening and a shabby Nick appearing, yawning and rubbing a hand through his ruffled hair.

He padded out to the kitchen and flicked the kettle on. Catherine rolled her eyes and called out a 'hello'.

Nick's head appeared and he grinned a reply.

"Sorry, Cath." he mumbled, his accent still sleep affected. "Didn't see you there. Forgot I've got babysitters again."

Catherine frowned a little at the last comment. She pushed to her feet and headed to him. She rested a hand on his shoulder.

"We're not babysitting you, Nick. We just worry..." but the rest of her sentence was cut short with a wave from Nick.

"It's fine, Cath. I appreciate it. Just feel a little..." he shrugged, lost for words, "y'know." he finished lamely.

Catherine smiled and pulled him into a hug. He responded by wrapping his arms around her and hanging on tight.

"Hey." said Catherine as she brought a hand up to rub his shoulders, "It's OK. We'll get through this, Nick. The hard parts done. OK?"

She felt his head nod against her as he continued to hang on.

Catherine held him for several more moments until she felt him finally pull away.

She respected his privacy when he turned away quickly - not making eye contact.

Nick cleared his throat and went back to making his mug of coffee.

"What time is my shrink appointment?" he asked, trying hard to sound casual.

Catherine checked her watch.  
"We've got just over an hour." she said. "You'd better have some breakfast and grab a shower, then we can head out."

Nick nodded again and poured out some cereal into a bowl.

"Awesome." he said, the playful sarcasm in his voice mirrored with a smile.

Catherine waited patiently in the waiting room of the psychologists office. Nick had been in his session for almost an hour. He had been quite resigned to the fact that he was back in therapy. Catherine suspected that he was, deep down, relieved to have the option of getting his life back on track with some more counselling support and extra techniques to conquer his remaining demons.

Finally, the door opened and Nick came out, smiling and talking quietly to his psychologist before stopping and shaking his hand. He looked relaxed and Catherine was pleased to see a glimpse of his old confidence. The psychologist gave Catherine a smile before heading back into his office while Nick went to the front desk and made a followup appointment.

When he was all set, Catherine came to his side and slid an arm around his shoulders. She gave him a gentle squeeze - happy to see his old smile back again. It had been a long time, she realised, since she had seen it - a genuine smile, not forced.

He smiled down at her and returned the squeeze and together they walked out to the car park. Nick paused for a moment as the morning sun hit his face. He felt the warmth.

He would be OK.

It had been a long journey - and he still had a way to go - but, with the support of his friends, and the ongoing psychological support from his counsellor, Nick finally felt he was getting back in control.

There was light at the end of the tunnel.

And it felt good.

Finally.

**I hope you like it and that not too many are disappointed that nothing much happens in this chapter - just a closer. Thanks for reading and will start working on the next story as soon as I can. Thank you!! **


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